JOAN’S BLOG – THURSDAY/FRIDAY, APRIL 2/3, 2009 – TIME TO REGROUP

Thank you to everyone who responded so kindly to Wednesday’s blog (below). As if you could not tell, I am physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted. I have decided to take a little time the next few days and have a talk with myself. Sometimes I even listen to my own words of wisdom.

After reading Wednesday’s blog, a dear friend whose situation with her husband is very similar to mine, wrote me a long e-mail. She told me how she and her husband were as close and loving as Sid and I. But somehow, she managed to accept the change in the relationship and “detach” much sooner and much better than I have. It has given her peace. Reading her e-mail and all of your posts on the message boards made me realize AGAIN ( I do have these moments of realization every few months) that I will surely die of stress before he dies of AD, if I do not stop reacting to him as I did before AD possessed his brain.

I was very good at patience, calm, a quiet voice, and non-reacting to tantrums, rages, and screaming, when I worked in Special Education.  My professional demeanor was excellent in volcanic situations (after numerous years of experience).  As many professional social workers, case managers, teachers, and nurses, have expressed on the message boards – it’s a different ball game when it’s in your own back yard. No matter what happened in school, and take my word for it – it was VOLATILE - at the end of the day, I locked my office door and went home to peace and quiet.

Thanks to Risperdal, there are no longer rages from my husband, but the underlying anger, lack of understanding as to the extent of his disease, problems with impulse control, and heartache for both of us are at home, and there is no escaping them, unless I change my way of reacting to them. I know this.

So I will take your sympathetic, caring advice, and regroup. I shall try as best as I am able, to do what my friend has done – detach, accept, and de-stress. But I can assure you – if every once in a while, I feel the need to swear like a sailor, scream like a banshee, and cry like a baby, I shall give myself permission to do so.

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com

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