JOAN’S WEEKEND BLOG – NOVEMBER 27/28, 2010 – REFLECTIONS ON AN ALZHEIMER THANKSGIVING

The turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, brownies, and ice cream have been eaten. The pounds have been added to the hips. The company has returned home. It is time for me to do some reflecting on how our Alzheimer Thanksgiving fared.

Our son, Joel, was here for 5 days. Although Joel saw Sid last Thanksgiving when we were all at my sister’s house in Chicago, he based his opinion of the changes on what he observed two years ago, when he was visiting here. At that time, he said his father was loud, angry, frustrated, and could not stop complaining about his loss of freedom, i.e., driver’s license, and ability to come and go as he pleased. Sid felt there was nothing wrong with him, and he should be doing whatever he wanted to do whenever he wanted to do it.

In contrast, now Joel observed Sid as quiet, foggy, and slow in movement and thought. Joel knows where this is headed, understands what the end result will be, is quite sad for his father, but is pragmatic. Knowing there is nothing that can alter his father’s fate, he is concerned for me. He does not want me to wait until I am almost dead myself before I place Sid. It gives me peace of mind to know that he and I are on the same page.

Joel is young, healthy, and physically strong. While he was here, he took over all of my jobs, including transporting my father back and forth from the AL next door; lifting the walkers and wheelchairs in and out of the car; cooking, cleaning up; and doing laundry.

Physically, it relieved quite a burden from me, and my heart was filled with peace and contentment to know that my son supports me emotionally.

Now he is back to his life in San Francisco, and I am back to dealing with my Alzheimer husband by myself. Sid's sluggishness is interrupted only when his routine is altered or his needs are not met. Then we have a tantrum that no amount of reasoning can abate. It does get tiring, and I am resting from it this weekend. I am not going anywhere I do not want to go, nor am I doing anything I do not want to do, and he will just have to live with it.

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