JOAN’S BLOG – MONDAY, DECEMBER 19, 2011 – REALITY BITES

I promise that I will write a blog that will lift our spirits as the holidays approach. But today, I need to express how I am feeling at the moment. I do so, as always, in the hope that other Alzheimer spouses will recognize themselves in my writing and gain strength in the knowledge that they are not alone.

When I close my eyes, and allow my mind and heart to drift backwards in time, I see a husband and wife “in sync” with one another through the years – laughing, winking at inside jokes, playful, swimming, arguing, making up, always with arms wrapped around each other, and always each other’s best friends and confidantes, the ultimate in trust in each other.

When I open my eyes, I see reality. I see the husband – frightened because he has finally realized the extent of his mental and physical disabilities. I see the wife – beaten down with a sadness that extends so deeply into her core that she is doubled over from it. This is what has become of the “US” that used to be the “Joan and Sid” pair, whose closeness and connection everyone envied.

On Sunday, the reality of our situation hit me hard again via, of all things, a football game. We lived in the Boston area for 36 years. That means that the Boston Red Sox, The Celtics, and The New England Patriots are part of our DNA. I’m not into football, but Sid is an avid Patriot’s fan. He sat in the den for two hours on Sunday, waiting for the Broncos/Patriots game to start. At 4:15, the game began. He never left his seat, glued to every play. He even reminded me that the next time a football game is on, I should leave the room, because all I do is blabber about how long it takes to play 4 minutes. (20 minutes at last count) At 7:30, the game was over, with the Patriots emerging victorious. He was happy.

At 8 PM, I was scrolling through the cable guide on the TV, looking for something to watch, when Sid yelled, “Stop. You went past the football game. The Patriot’s are playing. I want to see it.”

Of course I am used to his forgetfulness, but this was beyond anything we have experienced so far. I felt sick. I looked at him and said, “You just watched that game. The Patriot’s won. You really don’t remember watching it???”  He looked confused. He strained to remember, but said that he could not recall watching the game. I finally understood the expression, “Reality Bites.” It bit a chunk out of my heart so large, I felt it bleeding.

He sat in his chair and strained to think and remember for about 15 minutes. Finally, he said, “Oh yeah. I did watch it. I remember it now.”

I have no idea if he really did remember it, or was covering up such a serious memory lapse. All I do know is that I was absolutely correct in my decision to send him to Day Care. I thought it was much too soon. I was wrong. With Alzheimer’s Disease, functioning can change in a second, and if we are not prepared, we are left scrambling to provide the services that were not needed the day before.

Apparently we do not always see reality clearly. My sister’s exact words to me when I told her of this incident: “I told you that I and everyone else see that sometimes you do give him too much credit. He's there, but not there. He remembers but mostly doesn't, so don't expect anything and you won't be disappointed.”

Reality Bites.

MESSAGE BOARD: Joan's Blog - Reality Bites

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com
©Copyright 2011Joan Gershman 
The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
2010 All Rights Reserved
Under penalty of copyright laws, this information cannot be copied or posted on any website, media, or print outlet, without referencing the author and website from which it was taken.

 CUSTOM DESIGNED SCARVES

The material included on this website contains general information intended as information only. This site is not intended to provide personal, professional, medical, or psychological advice, and should not be relied upon to govern behavior in any certain or particular circumstances. The opinions in the blogs are solely those of the owner of the website. The opinions on the message boards are not necessarily endorsed by the owner of this website, and are the opinions of those persons writing the messages. All material on this web site is for demonstration and informational purposes only.           

The Alzheimer Spouse LLC 2010 All Rights Reserved