JOAN’S BLOG – WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 2009 – RAPID DECLINE?

Cognitively and behaviorally, my husband had been sliding down an icy hill for 3 years prior to the October 2006 definitive Alzheimer diagnosis. On that October day, when he was given the package of Aricept for the first time, we both read the information insert. What clearly stood out in my mind was the statement that Aricept has been known to slow the progression of the disease for 18-24 months. My thoughts upon reading that statement were conflicting and nonsensical, as were my emotions. I thought – “Oh, good. We have some time. Two years. Anything can happen in two years. Maybe a breakthrough cure.” The next minute I thought – “A year and a half? We only have a year and a half, and then what? Will he not know who I am? Will I have to place him in a nursing home? How can I live without him?” Back and forth. Back and forth. Enough time. Not enough time.

Although very soon after starting the Aricept and then the addition of Namenda, his memory and cognition did stabilize. There have been periods of dips, stabilization, other dips, more stabilization, but basically he has been functional and able to appear normal to outsiders. Even during the year of horrendous rages, verbal abuse, and vile behavior, except for a few slips, he held it together in public.

Apparently our 18-24 months is up. It went by too fast. Much too fast. I can practically see his hippocampus (short term memory section of the brain) shrinking and disappearing. He is now forgetting statements as soon as they are said. He is still aware of it, and it is upsetting him as much as me. But not for long, because he forgets that he was upset. Is that a positive?

His affect is flat. His expressions are either confused or blank. Not all of the time, but far more frequently than before, and enough that others are noticing. His processing seems to be slowing daily. I feel that this disease is now in fast forward mode on the DVD player, a player that is missing the “rewind” and “pause” buttons. I am terrified. How fast is this going to go? Since the beginning of this nightmare, I have tried to live by the adage, “One day at a time.” I have planned for, but not looked too far into the future, for fear it would paralyze my ability to deal with the present. With this decline, I now find myself peaking around the corner to that future, and I have to stop. I cannot change it. I can only try to appreciate what he has not yet lost, and concentrate on participating in activities with him that he enjoys and is able to do.

This morning, Wednesday,we have an 11 AM appointment with the neurologist. Tune in tomorrow to find out what happened.

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The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
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