JOAN’S WEEKEND BLOG – JANUARY 16/17, 2010 -PREVENTING ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE - A HUMOROUS VIEW

We who are living with a spouse with Alzheimer’s Disease understand that there is nothing funny about it. But we also know that if we did not find humor in some of our experiences with this horror of a disease, we would go crazy. Literally certifiably crazy. So it is with a bit of humor that I look at the latest Alzheimer News.

This has been quite a week in the Alzheimer world. Articles and TV programs (CBS News and Dr. Oz) everywhere, telling us how Alzheimer’s Disease can be prevented. It is too late for our spouses. Their prevention ship sailed a long time ago………with them waving goodbye on the dock. Considering most of the reports state that Alzheimer’s Disease begins decades before symptoms occur, I venture to guess it is also too late for us.

But there is good news here. Apparently it is not too late for our children and grandchildren to prevent the development of Alzheimer’s Disease. The preventative prescription is so simple:

#1. Turn those cell phones on and strap them to all those teenagers’ heads. Forget texting. They will just have to learn to communicate the old fashioned way – as teens did at the beginning of the 21st century – by talking on the phone. Let those electromagnetic waves penetrate their brains. And wait for the conflicting study to come out in another year that reports that cell phones will actually turn their brains into oatmeal.

#2. Shut down the computer. Turn off the TV. Send those pudgy couch potato kids outside to run and play. Sign up the youngsters for sports and lifetime gym memberships. Keep that blood flowing to their brains. (Even if it does not prevent Alzheimer’s Disease, exercise can’t be bad for them.)

#3.Clean out the pantry and refrigerator. Out with the chips. Out with the beef. Out with the Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey. Put them on the Mediterranean diet – grilled fish, salads, fresh vegetables, all cooked in and drizzled with olive oil. With a wine chaser. And don’t forget the Indian spice, cumin. Sprinkle it on everything that goes into their mouths. Dr. Oz says so. I wonder what Dr. Oz’s kids eat. And when they go hunting for a candy bar, hand them an apple instead. How much can they possibly complain? They will simply do what my son did all through elementary school – he chucked those apples, oranges, and bananas I packed in his lunch, and bought cookies and ice cream instead. (I was clueless until he told me about it 10 years later.)

#4. Keep those young brains active. When they are not exercising at the gym or running on the soccer field with their cell phones strapped to their heads, send them biking to the library to bone up on history, philosophy, literature, and science. Don’t forget to give them crossword puzzles and suduko during their down time.

#5. Make sure those mouths are clean. Flossing and brushing with an electric toothbrush after each meal will keep the bacteria out of their gums, where it can find its way into their bloodstreams straight up to their brains, causing memory loss.

All of this advice is excellent, and if followed, even in moderation, may make the next generation healthier than those of us addicted to Dove chocolate bars. But according to the information overload of this past week, the above prescription of proper nutrition, mental and physical gymnastics, along with cell phone waves, should prevent Alzheimer’s Disease. I think not. We all know of too many spouses who were in tip top mental and physical shape before Alzheimer’s Disease struck. Many of your spouses are still in excellent physical health other than having Alzheimer’s Disease. Sorry, experts, your theories aren't going to fly with me. If one is going to get Alzheimer’s Disease, one is going to get Alzheimer’s Disease. All of the running, reading, dieting, and tooth brushing is not going to stop it. So let the kids have an ice cream cone – they WILL remember that Grammie and Grampie bought it for them.

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The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
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