JOAN’S BLOG – WEDNESDAY, MAY 6, 2009 – PICK YOUR BATTLES

How many times have you heard child psychologists say – “Pick your battles?”  In reference to our children, we know what it meant. If the mess was spread out so far and wide that you could not find the floor in your teenager’s room, AND he gave you an argument about doing any household chores, AND was failing math and English, were you going to argue constantly about all three issues, or did you concentrate on the most important one, and let the others slide?  You had to make a decision that you may not have liked, and prioritize. We, as parents, tended to want to “fix” ALL of the child rearing issues, which resulted in a lot of screaming and arguing, which, in turn, fixed nothing, and actually made things worse. Or at least it was that way in MY house.

Well, here we are again. Alzheimer’s patients go through all of the developmental stages BACKWARDS, as we have discussed in previous blogs. So when we planned to spend our later years enjoying the company of our spouses, we are, instead, transported back in time to dealing with a defiant teen or a child with the emotional maturity and reasoning ability of a 2 year-old. Unfortunately, this young person inhabits the body of our spouses.

Everyone’s issues are different, but in my case, I have a husband who will not adhere to his diabetic diet when we go out to eat,  have company, or eat at someone else’s house, which pretty much accounts for at least ½ of every week. Now, I ask you – if you had spent the last TEN months enduring the rages, depression, irrationality, and screaming over your spouse losing his license as I have, and you had FINALLY achieved some measure of a tenuous peace, would you argue about his diet?  I don’t think so. I pick my battles. The driving battle is so pervasive, all consuming, energy sapping, and stressful, that I figure if he wants to eat fish and chips at a restaurant, let him eat it. I am not going to argue about it. If he wants to eat a gigantic bag of popcorn at the movies, let him eat it. If he wants to eat ice cream and cake at a friend's house, let him eat it. I am not going to argue about it. He is aware enough that if his glucose levels get too high, he will eat more sensibly for awhile.

If he decides to sit in front of the TV for 12 hours on a particular day, I am not going to argue about it. If he nixes every suggestion I have for an outing – fine with me. I am not going to argue about it.

Yes, I pick my battles. The driving battle takes up all of my time. I am not looking for more.

Message Board Topic: Pick Your Battles

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com

The material included on this website contains general information intended as information only. This site is not intended to provide personal, professional, medical, or psychological advice, and should not be relied upon to govern behavior in any certain or particular circumstances. The opinions in the blogs are solely those of the owner of the website. The opinions on the message boards are not necessarily endorsed by the owner of this website, and are the opinions of those persons writing the messages. All material on this web site is for demonstration and informational purposes only.

The Alzheimer Spouse LLC 2009 All Rights Reserved