JOAN’S BLOG – MONDAY, JULY 21, 2008 – THE IMPORTANCE OF SOCIALIZATION FOR YOU AND YOUR AD SPOUSE- MY GREAT WEEKEND PARTY!

We have often spoken of your AD spouse’s “isolation” .  Old friends no longer call or come by because your spouse cannot “keep up” with conversation or activities. “Friends” tell you that they just cannot “bear to see him/her this way.” As if you can.

I have discussed in previous blogs (click here and here) how lucky we are to have formed a social circle (actual picture of us) of friends from our Alzheimer Group. I have encouraged all of you to do the same if at all possible. I know that for many of you it is not feasible, due to the make-up of your group; the non-existence of a group; and a host of other reasons. 

My weekend party (from which I am still recovering, by the way) was a perfect demonstration of how those with Alzheimer’s Disease at various stages, can come together and enjoy friendship, food, and even conversation. Of the 21 guests at the party, 6 men and 3 women have Alzheimer’s Disease. Two of the men are more advanced than the other 4, are very quiet, and rarely speak. But get them together with their peers, and the conversation flows. Maybe not as fluently and quickly or as in depth as in groups of non-afflicted men, but there is still camaraderie, conversation, and a comfort level with each other. It was a joy to watch.

We make an effort to encourage any new member to join our group. We were convinced that one of the newer men in the group did not speak. AT ALL. Then he and his wife came out to dinner with us one night, and found out that not only does he speak – he has a witty sense of humor. It is the same with another one of our guys. He is more advanced, more confused, and more forgetful than some of the others, but when he is with us socially, he comes alive, and also has a wicked sense of humor.

The dynamics are interesting. Whereas the AD men are quite comfortable and talk freely with each other, the AD women stick like glue to their husbands, and do not socialize with one another. However, at my party, they did converse with whoever sat down and talked with their husbands. Their conversations were short and simple, but appropriate. It was obvious they were enjoying themselves.

When most everyone went home, the six of us who are very best friends were sitting around talking about the party, and we all agreed that everyone had a great time. And we said – “The best part was that it was NORMAL! Just like any other party.”

I cannot emphasize enough how important it is for both spouses to socialize with friends who support and understand you. One of our social workers, who also attended the party, was thrilled to see how well it all worked for us. I think she will be
stressing socialization at more of her support groups after this experience.

We are a more lively bunch than Patrick from the Caregiver Cruises expected when he met us for the first time on last January’s cruise. At Saturday's party, a few more decided to join us on the February cruise. Patrick gave me and my 3 friends “Wonder Woman” bracelets, with a beautiful note expressing the sentiment that we are strong, terrific women, who handle what is thrown at us. Just as Wonder Woman’s bracelet deflected bullets, our bracelets were meant as symbols to help deflect the stresses and troubles that AD throws at us. So if you come on the cruise, look for the 4 women  (There are only 3 of us here, because Rita went home before the picture was taken.) wearing the Wonder Woman bracelets. And join our party. We will welcome you.

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