JOAN’S BLOG – MONDAY, APRIL 14, 2008 – AN UNCONVENTIONAL SOLUTION  FOR THE DISAPPEARING CONVERSATION?

If you scroll down to the bottom of this page, you can read the March 26/27 Blog about the void left in our lives when our spouses are no longer capable of substantive conversation. A look at the Message Board topic that accompanied the blog is evidence of how profound this loss of communication is to spouses, and how important it is to the nurturing of the emotional connection that is a marriage. Just a sampling of your comments attest to that loss - “This is what I miss most.” “I miss conversation a lot.” “This is the saddest part of my life.” “This is the worst part of AD.” “This is a topic that hits home for me.” Finding solutions to the problem was not the purpose of that Blog, so I never mentioned any.

But one of our readers has taken a step in another direction to fill the conversation void, and it is working for her. Please understand that neither this reader nor I are advocating anything for anyone. Everyone makes their own decisions, but we both thought it was worth sharing with you. She joined an online dating service, and found someone who agreed that they would not meet in person, just have a great time conversing. She said that “It is so wonderful to share ideas, dreams, etc. and argue about religion, politics, etc. just for fun. Maybe this could be a solution for some of you. I would not recommend it for everyone, but for me, it's pure fun, it gives me a lift and keeps my brain from atrophying.”

Just for the record, if I had offered any solutions in my Disappearing Conversation Blog, they would have been innocuous, obvious ones that I have discussed in various previous blogs about finding time for ourselves. Put aside one day or one night a week for YOU. Go out with a non Alzheimer friend, and discuss non-Alzheimer topics; join a book club to engage in stimulating conversation about literature; attend a political meeting; go out with work colleagues (those of you who work). Spend time with one or more people with whom you can communicate on an adult level discussing interesting, thought-provoking topics. It is not to say that I am rejecting the “online dating service for conversation” idea. It is to say that I just would not have thought of it, and I thank our reader for bringing it to our attention.

One aspect of this website of which I have been most proud, is the intelligent and respectful manner in which all of you respond to each other’s ideas, even if they are out of your own “comfort zone.” I invite you to give some insightful thought to this reader’s idea, and post your responses on the Message Board Topic: Online Dating Service for Conversation.

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com

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