JOAN’S BLOG – THURSDAY, AUGUST 20, 2009 – ONE DECISION CAN MAKE A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE.

Sid’s 3-month appointment with the psychiatrist who handles his mood medications was yesterday. This time we saw the nurse practitioner whom we both like and get along with much better than the psychiatrist. As we were talking to him, I realized how different this visit was than the previous visits we had with him. The first time we saw him was last summer, when we were both reeling from the fresh emotional wounds surrounding Sid’s loss of his license. We were virulently furious with one another – he at me for what he viewed as the ultimate betrayal by the person he loved more than anything in the world; me at him for the vicious verbal abuse he was hurling at me. Our faces were twisted with anger; our body language was wound tight and stressed. We could barely look at one another with out vitriolic arrows shooting from our eyes. The NP sat across from us, asked how things were going, took one look at us and said, “I guess not too well.” He was kind, understanding, and let Sid pour out his anger. He listened patiently to me, but if you have followed this saga from the beginning, you know that it has taken a year, a near nervous breakdown by me, and two medications for him to smooth out the boulders in the road. (See previous blogs from July and August 2008)

Today, when we walked in, the NP said, “You both look much better. How are things going?” That’s when I realized that the stress and anger were out of our faces and body language, and each of us was happy in our own way and for each other. I believe with all of my heart that we would not be in this position if it were not for the single decision to move to the Independent Living Villas. This one decision has taken away the financial stress, will give Sid the socialization and activities he needs, and will take the burden of caring for the house and worrying about his boredom and isolation off of my shoulders.

He gets a daily list of activities from which to choose that could keep him busy from morning until suppertime. He gets to choose “off campus” outings at least once a week, and all of our neighbors are within walking distance, even taking into consideration his bad foot. He never has to get on a ladder again to do any house maintenance.

If he is happy and occupied, I get to work without guilt. I get my house cleaned, sheets changed and laundered every week, and a dinner meal delivered to me in the evening. I don’t have to worry about paying for home repairs, or paying someone to put up hurricane shutters, and I can open my front door and walk 20 steps to the pool.

Yes, the loss of space that I have in this house will be a big adjustment, but I believe the trade off of reduced financial and emotional stress for me, and a good quality of life for Sid is worth it.

In life, one decision can make a huge difference, but when Alzheimer’s Disease is involved, I think the consequences of a particular decision can be life altering and stress reducing. I know we have members who have made such decisions that may not have been the right ones for everyone, but met their needs at the time, whether it was leaving an abusive AD spouse who was in denial and would not take medications, or having to place a spouse in a nursing home.

If you think you need to make that one decision that will make life better for you and your spouse, I would suggest going with your instinct and do it.

Have any of you made one important decision related to Alzheimer's Disease that changed the quality of life for either better or worse for you and your spouse? What would you have done differently? Message Board Topic: Joan’s Thurs. Blog – One Decision Can Make a Big Difference

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The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
2009 All Rights Reserved

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