JOAN’S BLOG – WED/THUR, NOVEMBER 18/19, 2009 –NOT READY FOR RESPITE CARE, BUT NOT ABLE TO BE LEFT ALONE OVERNIGHT

Yesterday I wrote about life throwing us curveballs. Little did I know that I would be hit with one within a few hours. Already dealing with one family crisis on the West Coast, I received a call informing me of another crisis on the East Coast. Why can’t my family all live in the same State?

I desperately wanted to go to Rhode Island to help my stepbrother and sister-in-law deal with my stepmother’s  medical crisis, but I realized that there is no way I can leave Sid alone overnight. He seems to be at that awkward “between” stage. He is capable enough to be left in the house alone for a few hours during the day, but cannot be left overnight anymore. He forgets too much; he is too unsteady on his feet; he gets confused and upset in an emergency; and by his own admission, he depends on me to be his “brain.” Not to mention what I discussed in a recent blog – when someone has Alzheimer’s Disease, their abilities can change in a minute.

Yet he is nowhere ready to be placed in a respite care facility if I need to go away overnight. He would be fine if a friend could stay with him here, but our new home does not have a guest room. He would be fine to stay at someone else’s house, but I only have one relative here in Florida, and he is not always available to take Sid.  This means I have more planning to do. I will talk to my social workers and find out what alternatives are available, should I need respite services in the future. I was thinking along the lines of visiting nurses or home health aides 3 times a day.

I discussed the situation with all family members involved, and everyone agreed that it was best for my sister, who lives in Chicago, instead of me, to fly to Rhode Island to help with my father. The consensus of opinion was, “You have enough to deal with. You have enough on your plate. We understand that you are not able to come. Stop worrying about it.”

While I am grateful to have such an understanding family, I am angry that Alzheimer’s Disease, which has already destroyed so much of my and my husband’s life together, is worming its nasty way into every aspect of my life. I want to see my stepmother, and I feel I should be there to help out with my father, but right now my husband has to be my priority, and he needs me here.

In the meantime, my sister has landed in RI, and is handling the situation.

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