JOAN’S BLOG – TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 12, 2013 – IT’S NOT ABOUT ME

In light of the recent national publicity Sid’s and my story has received, I feel it is important to re-emphasize the reasons for this website’s existence.

I started this website in 2007 because I was confused, hurt, bewildered, and frightened at what Alzheimer’s Disease was doing to my once wonderful marriage, and I had nowhere to turn for help. No one was talking about “spousal issues” and Alzheimer’s Disease. As we know from living through it, caring for a spouse with Alzheimer’s Disease is a completely different emotional experience than caring for a parent or grandparent. Not only did I need help dealing with and solving many of these “spousal issues”,  but I surmised that if I was in such a devastating emotional condition, there must be thousands more like me who needed as much help as I did. As soon as the website went live, my email box and message boards were crammed with spouses who were grateful that someone was finally addressing their “unique issues”.

That is what I wanted – to let spouses know that what they were going through – changing feelings towards their spouses; being overwhelmed with caregiving; their anger, resentment, confusion, and sorrow at finding themselves married to a stranger, were all “normal” in the realm of marriage and Alzheimer’s Disease.

Unfortunately, in order to spread that message and provide support to Alzheimer spouses, I have had to give up my treasured privacy and become the subject of a variety of news articles, the latest being one of AOL’s features last Thursday.

Regardless of how many articles are written about my story, it is important to me that everyone knows that this is about YOU. It is about the thousands of Alzheimer Spouses who are shocked and dismayed to find their marriages and relationship to their spouses altered forever by Alzheimer’s Disease. No one sees it coming. The change in the relationship erodes over time, and the effects on the caregiving spouse are everlasting. Slowly, the intimacy, companionship, friendship, and yes, even the love, changes. Your loving life partner becomes a special needs child for whom you have to care 24 hours a day. No one should have to face these issues alone, and that is the purpose of this website – to raise awareness among all Alzheimer Spouses that their feelings are shared by many who can relate and offer support.

So while I am grateful for the exposure the NBC and Everyday Health via AOL articles have given to my story and my website, it is more about the plight of ALL Alzheimer Spouses, not just me and my husband.

The best way you can continue the work of this website – to raise awareness of Alzheimer spousal issues and to offer support and information- is to reach out to other Alzheimer Spouses. A gentle hand on a shoulder with the words, “I know what you are going through. Call me if you want to talk”, can change the life of a suffering Alzheimer Spouse. Just knowing that someone understands and cares is a breath of fresh air to someone who is suffocating under the emotional stresses of caring for a spouse with Alzheimer’s Disease.

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com
©Copyright 2013Joan Gershman
The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
2011 All Rights Reserved
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