JOAN’S WEEKEND BLOG – APRIL 3-4, 2010 – HOW TO ENGAGE IN A NON-ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE CONVERSATION

We have often discussed the void we feel when substantive conversation with our Alzheimer spouses is impossible. In an effort to lighten up a sorrowful, lonely situation, I have written humorous blogs, and we have threads on the message boards concerning the “Abbott and Costello” type discourses in which we have engaged with our spouses.

However, a different discussion on conversations appeared on the message boards a few days ago, one that described exactly what I have been experiencing lately. When we get together with friends and family who are not involved in Alzheimer’s Disease and caregiving, what do we talk about? Our lives are consumed with Alzheimer’s Disease, and honestly, who wants to listen to tales of sadness, confusion, loneliness, and…………..incontinence? No one. Not even me.

A friend called me the other day, and asked how things were. When I realized I was starting a rambling discourse on Sid’s disease, I stopped and turned the conversation in her direction, asking about her work, vacation home, and family.

In a recent blog, I mentioned having family dinner guests on Tuesday night. After about an hour of relaying Sid’s physical and mental woes, the declining health of other family members, Alzheimer Disease treatments, and exchanging stories about the various aches and pains of the four of us, my cousin finally said, “Does anyone have anything else to talk about?  Any good news?” 

Our member, Phranque, has reported that he is so consumed with EOAD and caregiving, that he has nothing to contribute to a conversation unrelated to Alzheimer’s Disease. I am finding the same applies to me, especially given that my WORK is related to Alzheimer’s Disease.

I have decided to make a concerted effort to be a more interesting conversationalist with Alzheimer friends as well as non-Alzheimer friends and family. All right now, let’s brainstorm – we are adults who had lives and interests before Alzheimer’s Disease. We still have opinions on issues. We must be able to come up with at least ONE subject that is not Alzheimer’s related with which we can converse with non-Alzheimer friends and family. How about:

Movies
Books
TV shows
Politics – for those of you who either enjoy arguments or live in an area with people who agree with you.
Religion – for those of you who either enjoy arguments or live in an area with people who agree with you.
Photography
Technology
Shoes – Sorry guys – I had to throw that one in. Every woman reading this will understand.
Education
Weight control
Exercise

This website was set up as a place for spouses of Alzheimer patients to discuss their issues, vent their frustrations, share information, and support one another. It is here where we understand as no one but a spouse can, where we are able to pour out our hearts to each other, and we will listen. But honestly, those who are in the “outside” world really don’t want to hear it. A “How are things going?” is probably best answered, “As well as can be expected” or “Progressing along”, or “Good days and bad days”. Then we should steer the conversation in another direction. It will be good for us emotionally and mentally to discuss other subjects when we get together with friends and family.

I have given some of my conversational suggestions. What about you? MESSAGE BOARD: How to engage in a non-Alzheimer conversation.

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com

©Copyright 2010 Joan Gershman 
The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
2010 All Rights Reserved
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