JOAN’S NEW YEAR’S BLOG – DECEMBER 30 – JANUARY 1, 2014 – HAPPY NEW YEAR AND IN MEMORIAM

2013 has been an incredibly difficult year for the members of The Alzheimer Spouse Website. So many of us have had to face the heartwrenching decision of placing our husbands and wives into long term care facilities. Many more have endured the final stage of the Alzheimer journey – the death of their spouses. With all of the emotional stress involved in caregiving for a spouse with Alzheimer’s Disease, one must ask the question – How does an Alzheimer Spouse find any hope or joy in the words – Happy New Year?

This is a particularly relevant question I have been asking myself, given the depths of depression into which I have fallen since placing my husband into a nursing home in August. I continually return to the theme I have tried to emphasize throughout my Alzheimer journey – We have to make our own happiness in whatever way suits us and our spouses at each stage of the disease. In my case, it was enjoying activities in which he was able to participate for as long as possible. Up until two years ago, we were able to go to movies, concerts, plays, out to dinner with friends. No, he did not understand many of the movie and play plots, but he enjoyed them to the extent he was able at the time. When it became physically impossible for me to take him out in his wheelchair, friends came to the house to socialize.

You know yourself and your spouse better than anyone. You know what you are both capable of handling and enjoying. A 10 day cruise may no longer be possible, but a drive to the beach to watch the waves and seagulls may give you pleasure. A huge party with friends and relatives may be too overwhelming for both of you, but inviting a couple of good friends to the house to visit may be enjoyable. You and your spouse may still get pleasure from listening to music together. Whatever you are able to do and enjoy as a couple should be pursued to the end. We must appreciate what our spouses can still do, and engage in those activities with them.  

In the case of my husband and I, although he is confined to a nursing home, and I live a lonely life at home, when I visit him, we do puzzles together; I sometimes take him outside to the garden, so he can enjoy the warmth of the Florida sun; he gets pleasure from listening to me babble on about our family, my work, and our friends, although he later remembers nothing of what I have said. It is not the life I would have chosen for us, but I have to make the best of what I have.  I urge you to do the same. In the Alzheimer world, that is what it means to say, HAPPY NEW YEAR.

To those who have been lost to the disease in 2013, we pay tribute. If I have inadvertently missed anyone, please email me at joan@thealzheimerspouse.com, and I will add your name.

 IN MEMORIAM – 2013

Brindle – husband – January, 2013

Grannywhiskers – husband – February 1, 2013

Rpmaz- husband – February 14, 2013

LindaMc – husband Lloyd – February 18, 2013

Hikergirl – husband – February 21, 2013

DeanHaywood – wife – March 14, 2013

Anchor20 – wife Kathryn – April 25, 2013

m-mman – wife Rita – May 1, 2013

DianeT – husband Mark – May 11, 2013

Shannon – husband – June 30, 2013

DianeV – husband – July 13, 2013

Mimi – husband – August 11, 2013

Okrose – husband – September 11, 2013

Andy - husband - September 25, 2013

Chelly – husband – October 1, 2013

Emily – husband Jeff – October 12, 2013

Mammie - husband - October 25, 2013

Sundown – wife – October 26, 2013

Linda220 - husband Jim - November 5, 2013

Marty – wife Sue – November 17, 2013

Vickie – husband Stu – November 24, 2013

Blue – husband – December 16, 2013

Dwgriff – wife – December 17, 2013

Dog – husband – December 26, 2013

Trish – husband – December 29, 2013

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The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
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