JOAN’S BLOG – THUR/FRI. MAY 20/21, 2010 – A NEW JOB FOR MY AD HUSBAND

I mentioned in my Thursday notice (see below) that we are moving my now widowed father from Rhode Island  (where he has resided for 74 of his 92 years) to the Assisted Living Facility next door to my Independent Living Neighborhood in Florida where I live. Although the advantages to both of us are obvious, as I will no longer have to deal with long distance care management, or fly back and forth to RI for emergencies, and we can be together for his remaining years, there is a side benefit for my AD husband.

As you are well aware from my blogs, my husband is miserable when he is not out and about with friends at one activity or another. Many of you have often suggested volunteer work for him, which never materialized for various reasons, the most important being that he hated the idea of everything mentioned. I now have a job for him. He can walk the path to the ALF, visit with my father, and accompany him to activities offered in the building. That will be the proverbial “killing two birds with one stone”. Or in this case – 3 birds. It will give Sid a purpose; give my father an opportunity to sample the activities to determine which he likes; and it will surreptitiously introduce Sid to the routine, activities, and staff at the ALF where he will eventually reside when I can no longer meet his caregiving needs.

The stress of sharing a nursing home room with my stepmom, while watching her die these past months has been an enormous strain on my father. It has turned a sweet, quiet, cooperative man into a “barker”, as the nursing home staff referred to him. And an unrelenting complainer, to which my stepbrother and sister-in-law can attest. I have a solution that should please everyone. Since Sid will not remember what my father said from one day to the next, he can complain all day, every day to Sid. Then Sid can come home, forget what was said, and listen to the same complaints the next day.

My father is cognitively sharp, with both long and short term memory in tact. He is a World War II veteran, and as with anyone who has lived for 9 decades, has a multitude of stories to tell. When Sid is bored with his “prison”, as he calls this house when he is not out attending an activity, he can visit with my father and listen to his fascinating and amusing stories.

I have a storage closet that is filled with approximately 8 large plastic totes, each one jam packed with pictures from 1938 – 1999. What a project for the two of them to go through those pictures, which will also be good for Sid’s recall of past events. (In 2000, we finally purchased a digital camera, and those photos are stored on the computer)

I surely do not have a crystal ball, so am unable to tell how this will play out, but I am hopeful that both my father and Sid will benefit from the arrangement.

MESSAGE BOARD TOPIC: A New Job For Sid

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