JOAN’S WEEKEND BLOG –AUGUST 15/16, 2009 -  MOVING WITH AN AD SPOUSE – Part 1

During this month’s move, there will be a series of informative blogs, offering tips based upon my moving adventures, all of which will be compiled and put on the left side of the home page as a new resource. As I contemplate what experts agree is one of life’s most stressful situations, WITHOUT Alzheimer’s Disease to complicate matters, I thought I would start with a few basic rules related to moving with your AD spouse.

Rule #1 – DON’T  . If it is possible to stay where you are until your spouse is ready for nursing home placement, STAY PUT. That was easy. That eliminates moving stress.

Rule #2 – Be wealthy. If you are wealthy, you can hire people to do all of the work. All you have to do is point to what needs packing, moving, or throwing out, and they do it, while you sip mimosas.

Rule #3 – Since many of us will have to move, and most of us are not wealthy, the basic “moving with an AD spouse” rule is the same as traveling, hurricanes, snowstorms, and surviving holidays. PLAN AHEAD.

So Mrs. Organization has done just that. I have made a list  (Do I ever do anything without a list?) of what needs to be done, and it looks like a list anyone would make for moving:

Chuck
Donate
Sell
Pack

However, when an AD spouse is involved, as with any project, assessing their level of functioning is the most important step. Are they capable of helping to “chuck, sell, and/or pack?”  If they are in later stages, and the answer to any or all of these questions is “no”, then you will have no choice but to plan ahead and provide for Day Care/respite/ or “adult sitting” by a friend while you and whomever you have recruited to help, do the work.

If they are capable of following directions and helping, the first step – chuck- may be the most difficult. Remember the hoarders? Many with AD, hoard objects ranging from peanut butter jars to nuts and bolts. This is the step we are going to tackle this weekend. I lost this argument on the move from Massachusetts to Florida, which is why I have remote control cars and toy trucks in my garage. It is why I have boxes of junk that “may be valuable someday”.

My friend, who recently moved from a 3000+ square foot home into a 3-bedroom condo, lost a big part of this argument, which is why the 3rd bedroom in her condo is full of old tools.

There is one good aspect to memory loss here. Don’t argue. Let them throw out what they want, and you throw out the rest when they are otherwise occupied, and they will never remember it. Hopefully.

It is only fair to admit that I, too, am guilty of saving more than I should. One cannot be involved in education for 25 years without accumulating a huge amount of resources. As I am writing this, it occurred to me that I can donate these to a homeless shelter or day care center.

There is much more involved in moving with an AD spouse, including getting them settled and used to a new environment, which I will tackle in future “moving blogs”, but for now, I need everyone to wish me luck on this weekend’s “chuck it” project.

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