JOAN’S BLOG – MON/TUE. SEPTEMBER 28/29, 2009 – AD SPOUSES MAKING MOUNTAINS OUT OF MOLEHILLS

The expression, “Making a mountain out of a molehill” means to make a simple problem into a monumental undertaking of huge proportions.

As my husband descends deeper into Alzheimer’s Disease, I am finding this “mountain out of a molehill” phenomenon is increasing. No matter what I ask him to do, or suggest we do together, not only does he makes it into a far more complicated task than it is, he becomes anxious and stressed over it.

We need to get our car appraised, as I am thinking about selling it. It was suggested to me that we make an appointment with Car Max. He started stressing over it, as soon as he heard about it. “We’ll have to find a Car Max. I don’t think there is one around here. How will we find one? You’ll need to drive it to the place, and get the appraisal copied. It’s too far. You can’t drive that far.  You’ll need to put ads in the paper.” And on and on and on. By the time he was finished talking, a simple phone call and appraisal appointment turned into a 3 week major ordeal.

We each have leather bound pocket appointment calendars that were provided by his urologist last year. There is good amount of writing room on each day, which allows him to easily see his daily schedule, so he really likes it. We are changing urologists. He is panicked. “We’ll have to keep going to that urologist, so we can get another calendar. Then we’ll switch urologists after January”, he told me. “I need that calendar. How else can I get that calendar if we switch doctors?” 

“Stop worrying about it,” I scolded him. It’s a simple matter of buying them in………….”,and I named a list of stores. “I do it all of the time”, I assured him.

“Oh”, he replied. “Oh, okay I guess.”

It does not matter what the situation is – everything is a big deal to him. He ponders it, questions it, makes plans to accomplish it that take twice as many steps as needed. Anything from thinking about planning a trip, to changing the ring volume on his cell phone. He makes a mountain out of a mole hill.

For the last year, it has been annoying me so much, that when it occurs, I have been snapping at him, “Stop making such a big deal out of it. All we have to do is………..",and I recite a simple, shortened version of the task.

Lately, it has occurred to me, that once again, I have been annoyed at something that is not his fault, but directly related to his Alzheimer’s Disease. He makes mountains out of molehills, because figuring out how to accomplish these tasks ARE mountains to him. The amount of cognitive ability required to complete a task or solve a problem is lengthy and complex. One must:

1.Identify the problem/task – when the processing ability has been slowed by Alzheimer’s Disease, what can take us 2 seconds to absorb, can take them 3 – 5  minutes.

 2. Plan the steps involved in accomplishing the task or solving the problem – Executive functioning is the ability to take the knowledge you possess, and transform it into plans of action. (“Executive functions are necessary for goal-directed behavior. They include the ability to initiate and stop actions, to monitor and change behavior as needed, and to plan future behavior when faced with novel tasks and situations. Executive functions allow us to anticipate outcomes and adapt to changing situations. The ability to form concepts and think abstractly are often considered components of executive function.”- from http://www.minddisorders.com/Del-Fi/Executive-function.html#ixzz0SQjlJnW5 )

Alzheimer’s Disease slows and destroys this function, so it is difficult for someone with the disease to figure out how to plan direct steps to an end. I can see it in Sid’s face, when presented with a problem to solve. He gets stressed and confused, because he can neither think fast nor efficiently enough to plan simple, straightforward steps.

Once again, I must admonish myself, and apologize to him for being so impatient and grumpy. Both our stress and anger levels would decrease if, instead of snapping at him, I simply said, “Don’t worry about it. We’ll do it this way, and it will be easier.”

My Alzheimer’s knowledge continues to increase. Eventually, I am hoping the next lessons will come without inflicting hurt on my husband and stress on myself. The best way to accomplish this would be to ASK before lashing out. Ask ourselves, “What is causing this behavior?” Even if we do not come up with an answer right away, knowing that something related to Alzheimer’s Disease is probably at the root, should help ease our anger and impatience.

Do your spouses make “mountains out of molehills”? How do you handle it? Probably better than I.

MESSAGE BOARD TOPIC: Making Mountains Out of Molehills

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The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
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