JOAN’S BLOG – MONDAY, OCTOBER 25, 2010 – MOTOR MOUTH

Since the launch of this website in July 2007, we have had countless blogs and discussions about our spouses’ lack of communication  Click the links to read some of them - Blog 08; Blog 2010; Discussions.

Since we reside with spouses who, regardless of the AD stage in which they live, are non-communicative or convoluted, confused communicators, and possess limited, varying degrees of comprehension, all of us, including me, are STARVED for adult, stimulating, interesting conversation. Or at least a discourse partner who can follow what we are saying without constant explanation.

Little did I know how desperate I am until Saturday night, when a friend and I sat in my living room conversing on all subjects. After about an hour, I realized that I was hogging the conversation, swinging from one topic to another in rapid succession, and basically motor-mouthing my way through the evening. Once I became aware of what I was doing, I tried to reign myself in and give my friend a chance to talk.

I was horrified to think that I was exhibiting the same characteristics I had observed in my mother-in-law and aunt, lonely widows who were unable to move on to new lives after their husbands passed away. Whenever Sid and I visited either one of them, they would seize our ears and not let go. We were subjected to an endless stream of conversation. They would do exactly as I found myself doing Saturday night – talk non-stop, jumping from one subject to another with hardly a breath in between. After visiting one of them, Sid and I would discuss how sad it was that they were so lonely and alone; that neither had made friends with whom they spent enough time to engage in lengthy conversations.  

My situation is different than those of my mother-in-law and aunt. I am not a widow. My husband is alive and living with me, but unable to give me the coherent conversation I crave. I do have friends and social activities, but apparently not enough or I would not have been Ms. Motor Mouth on Saturday night.

I decided I had to somehow remedy my situation, and realized that although I DO have plenty of social activities, they are not conducive to quality conversation. Quite often, I go out with a large group of couples or a similarly large group of women. 10-15 people at a restaurant table does not lend itself to good conversation. Too many people; too much noise. My most satisfying conversations occur when I get together with one good friend for the day. My shoe shopping day with my friend of 40 years, was not just about buying shoes. We talked all day about life, love, loss, our children (and shoes).

My next project will be to make a weekly date, or at least every other week, considering my busy life, with one good friend. We will spend the day steeped in good reciprocal conversation  about subjects other than Alzheimer’s Disease. Hopefully this will calm my motor mouth.
 
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