JOAN’S BLOG – MONDAY, JUNE 23, 2008 – A SPOUSE WITH ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE – WHAT HAS BEEN THE MOST DIFFICULT LOSS FOR YOU?

In just a little more than 3 weeks from now, we will be celebrating the first anniversary of this website. There will be much more about that in the coming weeks, but in thinking about all of the topics we have tackled this year, I started to reflect on what aspect of having a spouse with Alzheimer’s Disease has been most difficult for me.

We spouses struggle with unique losses that do not apply to an adult child caring for a parent or grandparent.  Once upon a time, we shared a life with someone with whom we were deeply in love. SHARE is the important word here. We shared conversation – sometimes on a deep, intellectual level, sometimes on an inconsequential, silly level; we shared emotional support, lovemaking, child rearing, decisions, arguments, “inside” jokes, and that strong emotional bond we have discussed so often here. By the time Sid and I had been married 20 years, we shared each other’s thoughts, were able to finish each other’s sentences. We found such comfort and joy in that connection.

Then along came Alzheimer’s Disease, and if it hasn’t completely destroyed our spouses’ intellect, meaningful conversation, abstract thinking, decision making ability, temperament – everything we held dear and were able to SHARE with them, it is working diligently to complete its task.

In looking through the Previous Blog section, I took note of so many of the topics we have discussed -  unmet emotional needs, loss of socialization, loneliness, stress, sex and intimacy, loss of companionship, loss of conversation, having to do it ALL. It is at this point that I should tell you which loss has been the most profound for me, but I cannot. I just don’t know – it has all been so emotionally overwhelming for me, that each time I try to focus my thoughts on one of the losses, the pain is too great, so I step away from it.

What about you? What has been the most difficult loss for you? How have you dealt with it? MESSAGE BOARD TOPIC: The Most Difficult Loss

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com

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