JOAN’S FRIDAY BLOG – APRIL 1, 2011 – MY “ME” PROGRESS

Last month I wrote a blog titled “Simplifying My Life”. In it, I vowed to make things easier for myself by forcing Sid to do what he is still capable of doing; to stop jumping and running every time he or my father needs something; stop going places I don’t want to go just to please someone else; and doing more shopping online. Before I do anything now, I first ask myself, “How can you do it to make it easiest on you?” If it is going to cause me undue stress and exhaustion, I don’t do it.

Today, I am answering Dr. Phil’s famous query – “So’s how that workin’ for ya?”  Actually, better than expected, thank you. Sid may pout and whine about something I am not doing when he wants it done, but the upside is that he forgets about it quickly. If we run out of a particular food, we go without it until my designated shopping day. Sid has stopped complaining about being without his breakfast blueberries until they have been absent for at least two days. I simply tell him that I will get them when I go shopping. I no longer care whether he fusses about it or not.

In the last two weeks, I have saved myself trips to the clothing store, drug store, Walmart, library, and book store, by online ordering of toiletries for the house; books; and clothing for my father. In the last week, I have ignored Sid’s whining, moaning, and groaning when I ask him to walk from the den to the kitchen.

There is nothing I can do about the myriad of doctor and test appointments, but with much of the running around eliminated by online technology, I have a little more energy for those appointments. Sid starts physical therapy for his back next week. All I have to do is wheel him over to the ALF for it, but I am even thinking of borrowing an electric wheelchair, so he can go by himself.

I live in South Florida where the weather is almost always bright and sunny. On any given day, weekend or during the week, there is something going on outside somewhere. Flea markets, festivals, fairs, boat and car shows. I SHOULD drive to them so Sid can get out and stimulate his mind. I don’t want to drive there and back, pushing him on grass in his wheelchair (which the physical therapy staff has warned me not to do because of my shoulder). So I don’t. He goes on a monthly outing with his Alzheimer’s group; he gets together with his buddies every week for games of Rummycub or Dominoes; and we generally get together with couples once on the weekends. That will have to be enough for now.  

I make sure that everyone’s emotional, physical, and social needs are met and supplies and food are purchased, but I do so when and how it is best for ME. The end result has been a dramatic decrease in stress and exhaustion, but unfortunately, an increase in guilt. The guilt comes from not being sensitive to my husband’s feelings. I shocked myself when I wrote that I no longer care if he fusses or complains about something I do not do or get for him. It saddened me deeply. A year ago I would have cared. It shows how far I have come in adjusting to the “spouse to caregiver” transition. I still hate that it is happening, but for my own mental, emotional, and physical health, this is how it has to be.

My thanks to those of you who gave me many of these suggestions for alleviating my exhaustion level.

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