JOAN’S BLOG – WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 3, 2012 – MELTDOWN!

So I wrote a blog (see below) that advised myself to tackle one problem at a time. Good idea, yes? That works until one experiences a week like I had, when all of the problems, including new ones, come crashing down all at once, and need to be taken care of immediately. What does one do? One has an emotional and physical meltdown, unable to function at all. At least that is what I did.

After I wrote the blog stating that I would handle my father’s nursing home situation first, and handle my AD husband’s problems later, this is what happened:

• My husband in distress over gastrointestinal issues; refused to go to Day Care because of it. 

• Massive Poop Patrol incident that kept me cleaning until 10 PM – second time in a week.

• Found a letter from Medicaid (that I must have misplaced in a pile ) that they cannot approve Sid’s application because they need more information and documents – needed a week ago. 

• Informed by our Primary Care Physician’s office that they dropped my husband from their practice due to an unpaid balance of $35, which I did not know he had. Although I paid it immediately, I have not yet received a call that he has been reinstated.

• Received a ½ inch thick package that must be filled out for the respite home where Sid is going when I go away for Thanksgiving.  

• My husband’s lift chair, which was broken, broke even more, to the point that it barely works, and I have to buy him another one. We had an extra one that used to belong to my mother-in-law, but my father’s chair also broke, so I gave him the spare.

• Dealing with my husband’s emotional meltdown over his situation – He cannot remember what happens to him (including poop patrol incidents) after it happens, is depressed that he is so disabled, stressed that he cannot remember anything, and desperately afraid that I am going to “send him away”. 

• Call from the Assisted Living that the aides could not transfer my father from chair to wheelchair; had to lower him to the floor; could not get him up; had to call 911 for EMT’s to get him up.

• Informed by nursing homes that my father does not have enough monthly income to cover their costs. 

• Informed by Medicaid that my father has too much monthly income to qualify for assistance.

• Informed by social worker that I need to get a lawyer involved in my father’s situation. 

• This was all accompanied by massive stress over my own financial situation.

Somehow, the “one problem at a time” solution was not going to work this time. They all needed addressing immediately. I honestly cannot say what I would give as advice to anyone else going through a crisis such as this, but my solution was to have an emotional meltdown, and then call my sister, who lives over 1000 miles away in Chicago.

I do not know if I was completely hysterical when I spoke to her, but I felt as if I was. She told me to handle Sid’s situation, and leave everything related to my father that can possibly be handled by phone to her. She took over almost everything in that area, for which I am eternally grateful.

My cousin, who lives 45 minutes from me, called yesterday, and offered to help. At the time, I did not know what he could do, but I have since decided that he can help me pack up my father’s belongings when it is time to move to the NH.

My son, who lives in California, is having too many of his own stressful problems related to not enough work, to be able to come here and help, or I would recruit him too.

Over the last 6 years, I have learned that caring for a spouse with Alzheimer’s Disease is a mental, physical, and emotional killer to the caregiving spouse. It is not something that should have to be handled alone. It should be a family affair, although in many cases, family lives far away or is unwilling to participate. When one adds a second person in need of caregiving, it is barely humanly possible to sustain.

And still, through it all, there remains a sense of humor. I don’t know how, but there does. I envy people who cannot eat when they are stressed. When I am stressed, I head for the ice cream, cookies, and brownies. Head first into all of them. This last week, I have been so beyond stressed, that I have barely been able to eat. Since I need to lose ½ my body weight, I would say being unable to eat much is the humorous upside to the situation.

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The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
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