JOAN’S BLOG – WED/THUR, JULY 15/16, 2009 – WILL LIFE EVER SETTLE DOWN AGAIN?

There was a time when my life was settled. It was routine, but I liked it. Actually, I reveled in it. Our son was happy in California. Sid worked. I worked. We had a big, loveable, Golden Retriever, who could make us give him anything he wanted with one soulful look (This is my sweet Casey) and a tail wag. We lived in a house that was worth more than we owed on it. No family member was sick. Sid was showing no signs of a body ravaged by diabetes, or a brain being destroyed by Alzheimer’s Disease. We had passion and fun together as a couple. We laughed together. The year was 2002, and it was the last year my life was normal and “settled”. Not really so long ago.

The ball dropped in Times Square on the New Year 2003, and life as I knew it was gone, never to return. Between 2003 and 2006, Sid lost his job due to his advancing, undiagnosed, confusing, cognitive impairment; his dormant diabetes awoke with a vengeance, and literally overnight, neuropathy hindered his ability to ever walk normally again; I lost my job; and our dog died.

In an effort to stabilize our lives and seek a better quality of life, we decided to move to Florida. That decision involved cleaning out and selling our home, traveling back and forth to Florida to negotiate building a new house, and parting with a large chunk of our life savings.

When we finally arrived in Florida, the housing market began the decline that has yet to see an end, and Sid was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease. Those of you who have been reading my blogs since the beginning of this website (July 07) know the Hell it has been to adjust to, accept, and learn how to deal with his Alzheimer’s Disease.

Now that Sid’s rages have subsided, and I have come to terms (as well as I am able) with Alzheimer’s Disease and the change it has brought to my husband’s abilities and personality – I’M MOVING AGAIN!  If not to the Independent Living Villa discussed last week (see below), somewhere that has activities and socialization for Sid. The decision to move has been made. It is just a matter of where. YIKES! ANOTHER UPHEAVAL.  Moving is a physical, mental, and stressful nightmare, which is why I did not do it for 30 years. I was too old and tired for all of that work 3 years ago. Now I’m older, more tired, and downright cranky. And extremely busy with web work. Sid’s physical stamina is at an all time low, and my knee hurts. I want to be Samantha (Remember the 60’s TV show, Bewitched?) A twitch of the nose, and all of my “stuff” and furniture is put away and placed in the new villa, apartment, or wherever we are going.

We have boxes in the garage that have not been opened since we moved in 3 years ago. We have furniture, clothes, and “stuff” piled so high and wide, there is hardly room for one car in the 2 car garage. There must be a strong teenager around here somewhere who will work cheap. I’ll point; he’ll lift. 

I am just so tired of instability and constant change. I desperately want my life to be settled again. I am figuring that if I move to a place that will meet Sid’s changing needs – Independent Living to Assisted Living to Dementia care, I can finally calm down and live without the stress of home maintenance, trying to find activities to keep him stimulated, happy, and occupied, and feeling guilty for neglecting him while I work.

Here is an actual (Honest! Scout’s Honor!) picture of the dining room of the house we rented before our new one was built. The garage was filled with the rest of our “stuff”. We had no place to store the extras except the dining room.

Yes, I know for sure that you are going to tell me to get rid of "the stuff". I am working on it.

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The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
2009 All Rights Reserved 

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