JOAN’S BLOG – THURS/FRI, JULY 30/31, 2009 – KEEP IT SIMPLE

Honestly, sometimes I amaze myself at the level of futility to which I stoop. I actually try to give explanatory answers to the endless complex questions from my husband.  Not the usual mundane questions - What are we doing today?  When are we going to RI? When are we coming back? Where are we going on Saturday? Are we going out on Saturday?  I do not get upset anymore (not much, anyway) at those repetitive questions - I’m okay. I’m handling those without losing my cool. Most of the time.

It’s the questions that require complex answers that are literally driving me to screaming. When my cell phone rings, , he always asks who it is. It is usually business. Yesterday I received calls from a DC representative concerning the SSI hearing in Chicago, my editor, and my message board monitor. I actually gave lengthy explanations to my AD husband concerning the errors in reporting I had made in connection with the SSI hearing, what the accurate information was, and what my monitor and I were discussing. Good sense finally kicked in, and I stopped myself in the middle of the explanation of the conversation between me and the editor.

Throughout all of this, I was met with confused stares. I felt guilty, because I knew he needed slow, careful, step by step explanations, and I did not have the patience for them. Especially since I was well aware that he would not process all of it, forget what he did process within a few minutes, and ask again. And again. And again.  After all, I am the one who gives presentations on how to speak to those with AD, so they are able to process and understand what is said. The methods I teach are designed to explain simple, everyday tasks and directions. Although the methods can be used to explain more complicated information, most AD patients, even in the earlier stages, are unable to handle complexity.

That is when a brilliant idea came to me. It apparently missed its flight, because it was quite late in arriving. From now on, when he asks questions concerning complicated, lengthy information, I will give simple answers that need no explanations, such as:

My DC friend called to correct some information for the website; My monitor called to ask a question; my editor called to tell me to call the publisher. That’s it. Simple. Less stress on him trying to process reams of information; less stress on me trying to explain reams of information. I knew this, but sometimes when we are busy and stressed, we forget the lessons we have learned to employ.

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The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
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