JOAN’S BLOG – MONDAY, AUGUST 20, 2012 – ISOLATION

Alzheimer’s Disease isolates. In terms of spouses of Alzheimer patients, isolation is usually discussed in the context of friends and family deserting the Alzheimer couple. This desertion occurs for a variety of reasons – the afflicted partner is no longer able to participate in the commonly enjoyed activities; friends do not want to see the afflicted spouse “that way”; friends do not know what to say to either the PAD (person with Alzheimer’s) or the spouse; friends and AD spouses no longer have anything in common. The reasons are varied, but the result is the same. The Alzheimer couple sits home alone. The Alzheimer spouse is isolated and lonely, conversing with a childlike spouse to whom every sentence must be explained.

Today I would like to offer a different scenario, which perhaps only relates to me, but it is possible another Alzheimer spouse may recognize themselves. I am the sole cause of my own isolation, and I question if it is totally negative.

I never hesitated to go out to eat or attend an outdoor concert on the spur of the moment. I jumped at the chance to take a ride to nowhere.  Let’s go visit our Alzheimer friends; let’s call “fill in the names” and see if they want to go to a movie. Free summer classic movies at the local theater – let’s go!

My “get up and go” mentality slowly disappeared when Sid stopped driving. Suddenly, it did not seem so inviting to go out when I had to do the driving.  Driving was recreation to Sid; it is a chore to me. As Sid’s physical disability worsened to the point that it became a project to take him anywhere – lugging him and the wheelchair to his cries of pain and accompanying slowness – it was easier for me to keep us both home. It was more relaxing to stay home, watch TV, knit, or read. I enjoy knitting and reading. Sid enjoys TV. We invited our Alzheimer friends to our house for pizza, dessert, a movie. Everyone was happy.

But then, slowly, things changed, due entirely to my own exhaustion and rebellion. When Sid is home, I wait on him; I think for him; I explain what I said to him; I explain what the characters on his TV program were saying; I bring him his pills, his food, his newspaper; his everything. I am tired, and I do not feel like having company. I do not want to entertain anyone. I would rather sit comfortably in my robe and work on my Alzheimer and/or my Etsy websites. Or knit. Or read.

The result of my rebellion has been isolation. We rarely go out on weekends, nor do we have company anymore. I wear a robe or capris and a T shirt. I am comfortable, rested, and content with this situation. I am doing what I want to do, not what someone else says I should do. Sid does not care. He is content to sit and watch TV.  So I am wondering if my isolation is a negative in this situation. It does not seem so to me.

If I feel like going out or having company, I will call one of our Alzheimer couples friends and invite them out or over. But the important factor to me, is that if I feel like staying home alone (with Sid) I do so. I spend so much of my time doing everything for him, I want to do something for myself, and if that includes hibernating, i.e. isolation, so be it.

 MESSAGE BOARDS: Joan's Blog - Isolation

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com
©Copyright 2012 Joan Gershman
The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
2011 All Rights Reserved
Under penalty of copyright laws, this information cannot be copied or posted on any website, media, or print outlet, without referencing the author and website from which it was taken

 CUSTOM DESIGNED SCARVES AND MORE

The material included on this website contains general information intended as information only. This site is not intended to provide personal, professional, medical, or psychological advice, and should not be relied upon to govern behavior in any certain or particular circumstances. The opinions in the blogs are solely those of the owner of the website. The opinions on the message boards are not necessarily endorsed by the owner of this website, and are the opinions of those persons writing the messages. All material on this web site is for demonstration and informational purposes only.           

The Alzheimer Spouse LLC 2010 All Rights Reserved