JOAN’S BLOG – MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 8, 2008 – CAN THERE BE HAPPINESS?

Do not ever think that I took happiness for granted. I did not. But I can honestly say that from that first date I had with Sid on the weekend before Thanksgiving of 1969 (I was a senior in college), until he started demonstrating personality changes that were later diagnosed as Alzheimer’s Disease 35 years later, I truly knew happiness, fulfillment, and contentment. Through family deaths, financial ups and downs (I certainly liked the “ups” better), the difficulties we faced with an out of control teenage son, the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law battles that ran so bitter and so deep that they lasted until death, the job losses, and serious surgery (mine), there was always an undercurrent of contentment and happiness nurtured by the love we had for each other. The security of our unconditional love sustained me through every crisis life brought our way. We were “US”, and “US” was a team that could not be beaten. There was love, passion, trust, and partnership. I knew it. I was happy because of it. And I never took it for granted. But because of that happiness, I never realized how debilitating a perpetual state of unhappiness can be.

This weekend, there was another round of Alzheimer related tears on both sides, because no matter how hard we each try, Alzheimer’s Disease is breaking down what used to be rock solid communication that did not even need words. He misinterprets what I say and do in an effort to keep him safe, as “humiliating” and “treating him like a child”, and I get so angry at his stubborn, child-like resistance, that I do speak harshly to him. I realized yesterday just how miserably unhappy I am. Total, overwhelming unhappiness that clouds every aspect of my life.  He is also unhappy, but he forgets about it. I do not.

It made me wonder – is it possible to have happiness in our lives while living through this miserable Alzheimer’s journey? Should I just take the advice of one of my friends, and “Get over it. That’s life. Others have it much worse than you.”

I miss our old life, our easy camaraderie, our “togetherness” .  Because my husband is more high functioning than many others with the disease, you would think we would be better at this than we are. But when Alzheimer’s Disease sneaks into the brain and takes away the memory, and even part of the reasoning and comprehension of our spouses, it changes their personality, their ability to relate to us on the same level as before, and alters the marital relationship forever. When you’ve had the best, as I feel we were lucky enough to have experienced, it is very difficult to adjust to the total change. I would like to hear from you – is happiness and Alzheimer’s Disease a possible combination. If so, how have you accomplished it?

Message Board Topic: Is Happiness Possible?

©Copyright 2008 Joan Gershman

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