JOAN’S BLOG – THURSDAY, JUNE 12, 2008 – NOW I AM A LIAR - My spouse doesn't trust that I am telling him the truth.

An issue has reared its ugly head in my house, and I am curious to know if any of you have had to deal with this.

Because my husband cannot remember what which doctor said when; what we talked about at breakfast when it is lunchtime; what plans we have made with which friend; what decisions have been made about ANYTHING; he is totally dependent upon me to tell him. I understand that. I have adjusted to it. I thought he had adjusted to it. I have started on that FAQ notebook (Click here for FAQ Blog), and we both chuckle when I hand it to him.

But once again, Alzheimer’s Disease has blindsided me. If he doesn’t like the answer, he actually accuses me of lying to him. He says he doesn’t totally TRUST me to tell him the truth!  For 38 years, we have had unequivocal trust in one another as we have had for no one else.  It has been his love and trust that has surrounded me in safety and security for 2/3 of my life. I know that it was always the same for him – to come home to me and my love and trust was his safety net. To have him tell me that he does not trust me, shattered whatever was left of my heart that Alzheimer’s Disease had not already broken.

After thinking about it I realized that after I give him an answer, it used to trigger his memory, and he would recall that what I said was accurate. He can no longer do that in most cases. He tries and tries and tries to remember, then gets frustrated when he cannot. The result is that, instead of accepting it, he accuses me of lying to him.

So here I am, instead of shrugging it off, chalking it up to the disease, and forgetting about it, I am hurting from it. My apologies to the social workers and support group friends who keep telling me to let “hurt” roll off of my back. Hurt is hurt. I still feel it. I haven’t yet let Alzheimer’s Disease completely shut off my feelings.  

I have been told that when I finally tuck away those emotions and completely turn the page from “spouse” to “caregiver” (scroll down for caregiver/spouse Blog), I will be liberated and have a much easier time dealing with my husband’s Alzheimer’s Disease.

I would like to hear from you on this subject. Have you had to deal with a loss of trust?  MESSAGE BOARD TOPIC: Loss of Trust

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com

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