JOAN’S BLOG – WEDNESDAY, MARCH 4, 2009 – DOES THE HURT EVER STOP?

As I have mentioned numerous times, writing is my therapy. It “gets the hurt out”. But right now, I am still so emotionally raw and drained from the anger and crying of the last 4 days, that I cannot go into detail in this blog.

For now, I will tell you that it involves the same outbursts, rages, anger, and verbal abuse by my once loving husband, that I have been enduring for 6 months. In addition to the two of us breaking down and sobbing for days over it. It is too much for either of us to bear.

I am fully aware of how Alzheimer’s Disease ends for the spouse who has it. But honestly, after these last 6 months of never-ending emotional torture, I do not know how the caregiver spouse survives it. This disease is Hell on earth. It is destroying both of us.

Since what he is taking now is proving useless, even Sid has agreed to try any and all medications that will relieve his feelings of rage and hopelessness. I called an emergency meeting with the neurologist for today. When you read this, that is where we will be.

If there is no medication that will calm him, they had better give me a shot of something ( in addition to my Zoloft) that will put me in “La La Land” for awhile, because I surely am not functioning in this Alzheimer’s Land very well.

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com

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