JOAN’S BLOG – MON/TUE, APRIL 25/26, 2011 – HELP WANTED ADVERTISEMENT

By now, most of you are aware that I have been down and out with bronchitis for over a week, and now that I am beginning to feel better, my AD husband has caught it. Except for coughing and sneezing, I think that I am a fairly quiet patient, considering I have to take care of myself. If  there were a contest held as to who could moan the most, I think he would win it.

In any case, while I have been tending to myself as a patient and attending to only the most important of Sid’s caregiving needs, I have been thinking about who would take over if I were totally incapacitated by illness. With that in mind, I wrote a little “Help Wanted” advertisement for my own amusement, which I am sharing with you today:

HELP WANTED

Full time live in caregiver for middle stage Alzheimer patient

Qualifications: Infinite patience; calm, smooth, unruffled disposition, physically strong – able to lift wheelchair, walker, and grocery bags in and out of car with ease.

Education - Degrees in nursing, pharmacology, social work, psychology, psychiatry, education, physical therapy, speech therapy, and occupational therapy helpful.

Experience –At least 5 years working in each of the fields mentioned above. In lieu of such experience, total ‘on the job’ training full of trial and error will be provided.

Hours - 24 hours per day; 7 days per week;

Vacation and holidays: At your own expense if you are able to find a qualified substitute.

Duties:

Household:
Cleaning
Laundry
Meal Preparation, serving, and cleaning up
Bill paying
Making, keep track of, and driving to doctor appointments and medical tests
Handling all household financial, insurance, and maintenance issues, including documentation and phone calls
Shoveling snow, mowing lawns, changing smoke detector batteries, plumbing, and electrical work. Calling in a professional to handle these types of jobs is strictly at your own expense.

Patient Care:
Become familiar with all 17 daily medications; fill pill box; dispense medications 3 times daily
Monitor behavior and adjust medications accordingly
Assist with bathing, toileting, showering, and dressing
Answer the same questions up to 20 times in one day, showing no annoyance or indication that the question was asked previously
Keep him/her busy and occupied by playing card games, hand eye coordination games, and word games; taking for drives, walks, and whatever entertainment they are still capable of enjoying – movies, concerts.

Learn the basics of Alzheimer behavior modification and use regularly:

Don’t argue – agree
Don’t reason – divert
Don’t command – ask/model
Don’t force – reinforce
Never lose your temper; maintain patience and good humor consistently

Salary: Based upon the comparable degrees required to perform all of your caregiving duties, the working hours, and the amount of duties performed, the salary should be $876,000 per year. However, based upon the current going rate for caregivers, your salary will be:

Non relatives of patient - $10 per hour to individual; $25 per hour to agency

Relative of patient - $0

All interested parties, send resume to:

Jobs No One Wants
PO Box 00000
Anywhere, Any State 00000

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com
©Copyright 2011 Joan Gershman 
The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
2011 All Rights Reserved
Under penalty of copyright laws, this information cannot be copied or posted on any website, media, or print outlet, without referencing the author and website from which it was taken.

RECENT BLOGS:

"Me" Progress - Doing quite well in putting my needs first - April 1, 2011

Evolution is Real - The evolution of emotions as we travel through this AD journey - April 4/5, 2011

Get a Diagnosis! - The reasons behind the importance of getting a diagnosis as soon as possilble - April 7/8,2011

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The Alzheimer Spouse LLC 2010 All Rights Reserved