JOAN’S WEEKEND BLOG – JUNE 19/20, 2010 – OUR SPOUSES, OUR CHILDRENS’ FATHERS – WE HONOR THEM ON FATHER’S DAY 

This is an update of my annual Father’s Day Blog, first written in 2008.

No matter in what stage of Alzheimer’s Disease your husband’s brain currently resides, there was a time when he was your children’s hero, teacher, coach, friend. There was a time that your husband, the new Dad, was awed by the miracle of his children’s birth. There was a time that you both struggled through the years of the “terrible twos” together. Maybe there was a time, as with my husband and son, that they sloshed, rather than slept, all night in a rain soaked Boy Scout tent because wasn’t there a  monsoon every single year of that Boy Scout Jamboree? There were probably the years of his vowing that HIS daughter wasn’t going to be allowed to date until she was 30, because he “knew what boys were like”.  What about the driving lessons, the homework help, the lectures, the strife, and always the love? 

As difficult as it is for us to live with the confusion, memory loss, rages, loneliness, and overwhelming burden of care giving, it is still important to remember who they were to us and our children through the years before Alzheimer’s Disease. It is so important for us to remind our children of who their fathers were and to honor that memory with a visit, a kiss, a warm embrace. For those of us whose husbands still know their children, it is even more important that they keep the connection, because as we know, Alzheimer’s Disease can turn in a minute. A missed phone call today could be a last opportunity for recognition.
I know that many of you are from blended families – his/mine/ours – but the sentiment is the same. Your husband’s children need to remember and honor their father as he was before Alzheimer’s Disease took him away.

Since our son lives 3000 miles away, we will have to be content with a phone call on Father’s Day. Having moved my father down here to Florida 3 weeks ago, this will be the first Father’s Day since 2005,  that I will be with him. My cousins, who live 45 minutes from here, are also coming to spend the day, and next weekend, my sister and her family, including Dad’s 15 month-old great granddaughter are coming from Chicago to visit.

Try to think of one incident with your husband and your children that will make the kids smile at the memories – Unfortunately Sid no longer remembers this, but I know Joel will never forget it. The first time Sid took Joel fishing was on a trip to Cape Cod. We went with a big group of friends and relatives. Joel was 6 years old, and so excited about catching his first fish, that he insisted on bringing the fish back to the hotel room, and putting it in the BATHTUB. Sid did not have the heart to make him throw it out, so we shared the bathroom with a dead fish for a whole weekend. (When we took showers, the fish was placed on top of the toilet seat!)

I wish everyone a happy, peaceful, pleasant Father’s Day.

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The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
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