JOAN’S BLOG – FRIDAY, AUGUST 29, 2008 – DRIVING LESSONS

We are beginning to settle into a routine with me as the one and only driver. It is not exactly the routine I would have liked, but a routine nonetheless. I drive. He criticizes. This is not exclusive to Alzheimer couples. I imagine if the original Henry Ford let his wife  drive the Model T, he criticized her driving also. (Were women even allowed to drive back then?)

In a recent blog, I detailed my driving offenses, which, according to my husband, run the gamut from driving too slow to driving too fast, from stepping on the brake too soon, to stepping on the brake too late, to just not knowing how to drive at all.

In the interest of being fair, I need to tell you that Sid no longer yells at me, insults me, or rages, when I am driving or any other time. Whether that is due to his decision to stop torturing me because he saw how much it was hurting me, or the Celexa medication, or a combination of both, I do not care. The end result is a somewhat more peaceful driving and living experience.

Since living with a spouse afflicted with Alzheimer’s Disease is an evolving learning process, I am going to demonstrate how much I have learned about driving since I became chief driver. I have learned to listen, do what I am told, and not to argue. Oh, except for one day this week, when I was remanded to “GET SOME TESTOSTERONE – STEP ON IT!” That remark aside, here are examples of my new lessons, which if I have not yet implemented totally, I am pledging to do so:

*Even though I can SEE the bicyclist in the road on the right, and I am GOING to move to the left lane, I just say, “okay”, when I am told to move over to avoid hitting the bicyclist.

*Even though I can SEE the big electric lit arrow flashing and pointing to the right, and I am GOING to move to the right, I just say “okay”, when I am told to move to the right because there is an arrow up ahead.

*Even though I KNOW there is an 18 wheeler barreling up on my left, and I have no intention of trying to get into the left lane ahead of him, I just say “okay”, when I am told that an 18 wheeler is barreling up on my left.

*Even though I can SEE the truck stopped in the right hand lane 200 feet ahead, and I am GOING to move over to the left lane, I just say, “okay”, when I am told to move to the left to avoid the truck.

Then there is the- “You didn’t turn the wheel fast enough, hard enough; you didn’t pull into that lane fast enough; you didn’t drive straight into the middle lane from the left hand turn; you didn’t; you didn’t; you didn’t.  I haven’t yet mastered the “okay” for these offenses, but at least I’m not arguing with him anymore.

And finally, even though I was taught to drive when I was 16 years old, by an incompetent , according to my husband, said husband is offering to correct that ancient mistake. He wants to give me driving lessons. Hopefully, that offer will leave his memory as quickly as most everything else.

If his placid mood holds, the rages remain receded, and he continues to be as loving towards me as he has been since Celexa entered his system, I will be glad to make him happy by simply saying “okay” to incessant road warnings and criticisms. As long as the warnings do not include “GET SOME TESTOSTERONE!”

Please post comments under the existing Message Board Topic: The Driving Issue- How Do You Handle it?

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com

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