JOAN’S BLOG – WED/THUR, MAY 13/14, 2009 – I STILL DON’T UNDERSTAND ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE

You would think with all the reading, discussing, talking, learning about, and living with Alzheimer’s Disease I have done for the last 5 years, I would understand it. I do not.  

The inconsistency of the disease heightens the challenges of dealing with it. Because I have no idea what my husband will remember and what he will forget, I often remind him of something, such as an appointment we have the next day. He will snap at me in annoyance – “You already told me that yesterday!” In the next breath, he will ask me a question about something that I have already answered at least twice in the last 2 hours.

My husband can watch an episode of a TV program he saw last month and not remember ever seeing it, yet can remember what year of college my niece just completed, although he has not seen her in 4 years.

He can remember what year we first started buying Toyotas (1990), but cannot remember what I told him 3 times in the last 2 days about one of his prescriptions.

He can get angry in a second because I drove to the gym BEFORE the grocery store, even though an hour before, we had discussed at length that we would go to the gym first. Then he can walk into the gym and hold a perfectly logical conversation with a stranger about politics, including the correct names of the parties involved. 

I never know what his mood will be; I never know what he will remember; I never know what little incident will set him off into simmering anger. Notice I said “simmering anger”, rather than rage and tantrums, because the Risperdal is keeping the outbursts under control. Thank goodness for that!

Because I never know what to expect, I am always on guard, always alert, always awaiting the next surprise.

Why is it that one person’s spouse, even in the throes of the disease, can be rational, and tell his wife that he is only concerned for her well being and does not want her to wear herself out with his care? Therefore he is already choosing facilities where he would like to live when the time comes. My husband is worried that I will send him to a facility too soon, and only begrudgingly admits that he should go if he becomes physically violent towards me.  Why is it that another spouse in the early stages of AD, can tell his wife that he will not give her any trouble when she deems it is time for him to stop driving? My husband, well, no need to go into that story again – if you are new and are not familiar with it, check out the Previous Blog section ( # 64, 66, 128, 223, 224, 227, 231, 248, 261, 262, 323, 381) Why is it that another spouse, in a more advanced stage, thanks her husband every day for taking care of her? My husband resents my interference and figures he is doing just fine, thank you, and he can take care of himself.

Intellectually, I know the answers to all the questions I have posed. They have been drilled into my head by every professional, non-professional, book, article, and conference I have come in contact with in the last 5 years. “You’ve seen one Alzheimer patient, you’ve seen one Alzheimer patient.” Alzheimer’s affects every person differently, and every person reacts differently to Alzheimer’s Disease. The brain deteriorates in different sections and at different rates with everyone. Yes, intellectually I know all of this.

But emotionally, it is very difficult to live with and understand. Very difficult.

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©Copyright 2009 Joan Gershman

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