JOAN’S BLOG – MON/TUES.,JANUARY 19/20, 2009 – DOING SOMETHING I WANT TO DO

In light of Monday’s message board topic in which I strongly re-iterated this website’s strict ban against discussing politics and religion, you may wonder about this particular blog, which mentions Tuesday’s Presidential Inauguration.  Be assured that the subject of this blog is NOT politics; it is about putting my foot down to do something I want to do, rather than what I am expected to do.

Although my husband has a totally different perspective on this issue, my perspective is that I have given up who I am, my future, my marriage, my freedom to do what I want to do when I want to do it, with whom I wish to do it – all in the name of Alzheimer’s Disease. I do love our friends and activities, but there are many times when I would prefer to stay home and write, read, clean a closet, or just plain putter, rather than socialize in a big group. That option has been taken from me, because my husband is “stuck in the house all day”, as he never ceases to remind me, so I accommodate his need for socialization by participating in every activity, whether I want to or not.

On Tuesday, January 20th, a new president is going to be inaugurated, and for my own personal reasons, I want to watch all of the activities on television LIVE. We do not have DVR (long story – fledgling cable company), but even if we did, I would still want to watch it live. It just so happens that Tuesday is our support group meeting that not only lasts until noon, but we always go out to lunch afterward with a group of friends. Sid looks forward to the group, as well as the lunch time socialization. Much to my surprise, since he never missed a TV news show about this election for two years, he would rather go to group. I told him that I would drive him there, and pick him up at the restaurant after lunch, but I was staying home.

Just once during this Alzheimer journey, I would like to do something I want to do in lieu of Alzheimer’s activities. He is so self-centered now that he honestly does not care if I stay home as long as he gets to go to group and lunch.

I was surprised at the reaction I got from my support group. They think I should attend group and watch the inauguration on the news. Well, guess what? As much as I love everyone, and appreciate their friendship and support, I feel I am entitled to skip an Alzheimer’s meeting if I want to.

I am sorry if I sound petulant, but my life has been turned over to, and upside down because of, Alzheimer’s Disease. I read, write, talk, breathe Alzheimer’s Disease. It is my choice to do so; I enjoy it; it is rewarding and fulfilling, but for one day at least, I feel I should have the freedom to step out of the Alzheimer’s World and do something unrelated to AD that I want to do. And that is exactly what I intend to do on Tuesday.

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com

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