JOAN’S WEEKEND BLOG – OCTOBER 17/18, 2009 – THE BIG DOG DECISION

At the end of May, 2008, just about a year and a half ago, I wrote a blog about my dilemma in deciding whether or not to get a dog. Our members filled up a discussion topic with their votes, which were overwhelmingly in favor of adding a furry friend to our household. Due to my stress level over Sid’s behavior, his forgetfulness ( What if he forgot to close the door, and the dog ran out, got hit by a car, or eaten by an alligator in the canal that was 30 feet from my back door?), and our financial instability, I quietly decided against a dog. (For those of you who have joined our group since May 08, I hope you will read the blog and discussion topics, so you will understand how much I love dogs, and what a difficult decision this was for me.)

Fast forward to October, 2009. My life has completely changed. I was able to get out of the financial sink hole of a house, and we are now living in a stress free Independent Living Villa, next to an Assisted Living Facility that provides outings and activities for Sid. I do not have to cook dinner or clean, as those services are provided in the rent. Sid seems happier and calmer, which has reduced my anxiety and stress levels.

Now Sid has brought up the dog subject again. He wants one, and due to our living situation as stated above, he sees no reason why he cannot have one. Whether it is true forgetfulness related to his disease, or selective forgetfulness related to being a pain in the neck, he can never remember that we are allowed to have only a “small” dog. “Small”, meaning one you can pick up and carry. He keeps insisting that we get a Golden Retriever like our last two, or a standard poodle, like the one our friends have. When I remind him that only “small” dogs are allowed, he dismisses that rule as something I made up to annoy him. Red flag right there. If he cannot remember what size dog we are allowed……….shouldn’t that tell me that he is not responsible enough to engage in any amount of care for the dog? Which means, as my mother used to say – “I will end up having total responsibility for the dog.”

There have been countless articles written, and members who attest that dogs are wonderful companions for someone with AD. I understand that a dog would give Sid companionship, a purpose in life, and forced exercise, as we do not have a fenced yard – he would have to walk the dog.

HOWEVER, there are some major “cons” in this decision making process:

I cannot depend on him to remember to feed the dog if I am away for the day.

I cannot depend on him to remember that he FED the dog or I fed the dog, which will lead to the dog being fed, and fed some more.

He is easily distracted. In the span of a few minutes, he can forget what he was going to do, and forget what he was in the middle of doing. This does not bode well for the dog if open doors are involved in Sid’s distraction.

He is physically weak and has painful foot neuropathy, which limits his walking ability. He gets angry and moody when he is tired. Both of these add up to – Guess who will end up with dog walking duty? Not him, and since there are only two of us who live here, that limits your choices in guessing.

Travel – Between business for me and relative visiting for both of us, at least 5 trips are planned between now and next June. That means sending a new furry family member off to be boarded  almost every other month.

Expense – After 3 years of unbearable financial stress, I am finally able to breathe and sleep without worrying about which bills will go unpaid in any given month. Do I want to take on the responsibility of veterinarian, dog food, grooming, and boarding costs?

What it boils down to, in my mind, is that although there would be enormous emotional benefits for Sid, he is too forgetful, distractible, and moody to be counted on for help with a dog. That means that the physical, financial, and time investment responsibilities would be mine, at a time when those same responsibilities in relation to Sid will be increasing.  

So as much as I miss that happy face, wagging tail, and wet sloppy kiss to greet me at the door; as much as I miss the funny expressions, amusing antics, and unbending love and loyalty of a dog, I do not feel that this is the right time for us. Sid adamantly disagrees, but that is because he cannot remember the list of “cons”; he cannot remember that he is not allowed his first choice of a BIG dog; and he does not think that he will forget or get distracted in dog matters.  Another red flag – Reasoning button broken. No dog for us. 

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The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
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