JOAN’S BLOG – THUR/FRI, JUNE 18/19, 2009 – UH OH – JUST WHEN YOU THINK THINGS HAVE SETTLED DOWN – A DECLINE

The strangest thing happened. Last night (Wednesday), I wrote this blog, and before I shut the computer down, I checked the message boards. To my complete surprise, Ann had started a topic on the subject I had just finished writing about! When I checked this morning, there were already 17 responses on Declines. Below is my take on the situation – keep in mind that it was written BEFORE I ever saw Ann’s topic.

Now that my AD husband’s well documented behavior problems are under control with medication, things had been going along on an even keel around here. That is, as even a keel as there can be when one’s spouse has Alzheimer’s Disease. Then  Why am I always surprised when there is a change? I see them all of the time with the AD members of my support group.

Except for when the time comes that my husband’s memory loss is so severe that he forgets everyone he knows, including me, I did not think his memory could get any worse than it is. That sentence doesn’t even make any sense. What is wrong with me?  It is just that it is such a shock when it happens. And it is frightening.

The other day, we woke up at least half an hour before we had to get ready to go to an appointment. As we have discussed on the message boards, cuddling, talking, and a little smooching, is a lovely way to start the day. It beats screaming and yelling by a mile. So there we were, lying in each other’s arms for some cuddle time before we got up.

The day went along fine with no tantrums. After supper, my husband said to me, “You know, you haven’t given me a kiss today”, and he bent down to give me a kiss. Now, I don’t ration kisses when he’s not raging at me, and would happily have obliged, but I was so surprised I just stared at him. I reminded him of how we had started the day that morning. NOTHING. Not a glimmer of memory.  That really scared me. My heart sank. It was a blatant, impossible to ignore, demonstration of a downslide. Oh, and yes, we kissed, but we were both quite rattled at that blank memory episode.

Tuesday night, we watched an episode of The Mentalist. As soon as I read the summary, I knew we had seen it just a few weeks ago. He watched the entire show, with not so much as a spark of memory. Up until now, at least a few scenes in re-runs have been slightly familiar to him.

This is frightening. I keep thinking – What next?  Is this the beginning of rapid decline or just one of those dips? I honestly do live by my own mantra – “Take one day at a time”, but when something like this happens, I cannot help but fear the future.

Please post comments under Ann’s topic – Declines

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©Copyright 2009 Joan Gershman

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