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JOAN’S BLOG – WED/THURS., OCTOBER 5/6, 2011 – TO DAY CARE OR NOT TO DAY CARE

Nothing about Alzheimer’s Disease is easy, but I thought the Day Care decision would be one of the simpler decisions related to Alzheimer’s Disease. Except for one day a week, when my husband gets together with a small group of Alzheimer buddies to play dominoes at one of our houses, he does nothing all day long. He sits and watches TV. Not that he remembers what he watches, but he says he is content. He is still able to be left alone while I do errands and shopping. My thinking was that he needed more mental and physical activity, so it was time for Day Care. Since I was contacted by one of our State programs to inform me that they had money to pay for it, I decided to check on a few places.

To prepare my husband, in case I found an appropriate facility, I told him I was looking into “Activity Centers” for him – a place where he could socialize and play checkers, dominoes, or cards, with men similar to his other Alzheimer buddies. My 68 year-old husband asked that I not send him to a place where everyone was in their 80’s and 90’s and “out of it” (his words). I assured him I would not.

Every “dementia specific” place I called that the State program would fund, assured me that they had attendees with a “mixture” of levels of functioning. After listening to many presentations by phone, and ruling out the ones I knew from friends’ experiences, were not for Sid, I settled on one that sounded promising.

I had never been to an Adult Day Care center before, so I did not know what to expect. I was ushered into a huge room – it was large enough to hold a wedding reception for at least 100 guests and a band. In one corner, there were about 8 people more or less participating in a seated exercise program. I was beginning to feel queasy about this impending decision.

I asked many questions of my guide. How many people usually attended; were they mostly women as it seemed on that day; were the activities all led by staff; were they allowed to participate in any independent activities; how long was the day; could they come for ½ a day. My guide patiently answered my questions, and showed me a schedule. It was when I saw the schedule that serious doubts crept up on me.

My educational background is varied, but I started out in a special needs preschool. The schedule I was handed mirrored the preschool schedules with which I worked for 10 years. Morning Activity #1; morning activity #2; snack; short social break; morning activity #3; lunch; afternoon activity #1; and so forth. Now, there was nothing wrong with the activities. They alternated between physical and mental stimulation, and were quite varied from dice; puzzles; horseshoes; trivia; Alphabet game; basketball; go fish card game; State Captials; word association; Wii fitness; bingo; crafts. Excellent variety.

But my stomach was really feeling sick. My Sid in that environment? Not yet. I am as realistic as I can be. I know him and his abilities better than anyone, and I do not think he is ready for that type of structure. Not when he and his Alzheimer buddies are able to play a dominoes game all afternoon by themselves without any outside help or supervision. I thanked my guide, and told her I would think about it.

All the way home, I wavered. Should I let him try it? No. He doesn’t need it. Maybe he’ll like it. No, he’s not ready for it. Finally, in the end, I decided he definitely was not ready for Day Care. He needs another day a week of an activity with his Alzheimer buddies.

When he can no longer stay at home alone, and when he is no longer able to play games independently with his Alzheimer friends, that will be when he is ready for structured Day Care. In the meantime, we now have water fitness class at my Villa pool twice a week, which his orthopedic encouraged, and Sid loves. Dominoes on Monday; water fitness on Wed. afternoon and Friday morning.  Support group twice a month, and a supervised trip with his Alzheimer group one day a  month. That and Netflix is it for now.

I have written about my Day Care Decision experience in the hope that it will help some of you who are facing this dilemma.

MESSAGE BOARD: Joan's Blog - To Day Care or Not to Day Care

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©Copyright 2011 Joan Gershman
The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
2010 All Rights Reserved
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