JOAN’S BLOG – FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 5, 2010 –MY CLUTTERED CLOSET AND THE ALZHEIMER BRAIN 

It has been an entire week since I tore apart and organized my bedroom closet. What was an obstacle course of shoes piled on the floor on top of one another, shopping bags of unused clothes,  shoe boxes falling off the closet shelf, pocketbooks stuffed in a plastic tote, and toiletries cluttering up the top of the jewelry armoire, is now an organizational gem. Shoes are arranged on shelves by color and style; all of the clothes are hung up by color and type; the pocketbooks are neatly arranged in see-through drawers, the toiletries are stored in more see-through drawers, the hats are on a shelf, and nothing is on the floor that should not be there. When I need something, I can see exactly where it is, and put my hands on it in a few seconds.

This is how I envision my brain. All of the information is stored by categories, and is easily accessible when I need it. I can quickly and efficiently take in, process, and store whatever I read, watch, or listen to. How pleasant and stress free that is when it works properly.

As I have observed my husband’s memory, concentration, processing, and comprehension decline by what now seems to be daily, I find myself wondering what it must be like to live with his brain. I imagine it to look like my closet before I cleaned it. Information is so cluttered and disorganized that he cannot possibly find it, even if it is in his memory. When he is asked a question, or asked to make a simple decision, his face scrunches up as if in pain, and I can see him struggling to sift through the disorganization to find the answer. More often than not, his brain is so disorganized, and the wires are so frayed or disconnected, that he gives up and says, “Whatever you want.”

I know that when my closet was a mess, I looked in there with frustration, and sometimes lost my temper, while kicking shoes and bags around, in an attempt to find what I was looking for. I think that if my brain was a tangled mess of wires that did not connect to anything, full of information that was buried, lost, and disorganized, as was my closet, I would be in a state of stress all of the time. Thinking about it this way makes it easier for me to understand why my husband was always so angry in the beginning. Perhaps if I had thought about Sid’s situation in this manner when his Alzheimer’s Disease first began, I would have handled his temper tantrums with a bit more patience and understanding.

I also know that in the beginning of the disease, the brain is cluttered and disorganized, but as the disease advances, the clutter disappears, and there is little to nothing to find in there. It is horribly frustrating in the beginning for the person with dementia (PWD) to know how tangled their brain is becoming.

Now that I have a better understanding of the frustration and anger that fueled his temper tantrums early in the disease, he is progressing to the point that he is becoming less aware of what a tangled mess his brain is. He seems to “zone out” more often, not think about much, and still thinks his Alzheimer’s Disease is all about short term memory and nothing else. Perhaps they attain some peace when they are no longer aware of what they do not know.

We spouses learn as we go, which is why it is so important for us to share our knowledge and experience with one another.

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com
©Copyright 2010 Joan Gershman 
The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
2010 All Rights Reserved
Under penalty of copyright laws, this information cannot be copied or posted on any website, media, or print outlet, without referencing the author and website from which it was taken.

The material included on this website contains general information intended as information only. This site is not intended to provide personal, professional, medical, or psychological advice, and should not be relied upon to govern behavior in any certain or particular circumstances. The opinions in the blogs are solely those of the owner of the website. The opinions on the message boards are not necessarily endorsed by the owner of this website, and are the opinions of those persons writing the messages. All material on this web site is for demonstration and informational purposes only.           

The Alzheimer Spouse LLC 2010 All Rights Reserved