JOAN’S BLOG- WED/THUR, JANUARY 5/6, 2011 – WHEN A CAREGIVER GOES DOWN

The importance of planning ahead cannot be overemphasized. I have followed my own advice up to a point, by moving to an Independent Living Villa “sooner rather than later”, and now have an appointment with an expert to discuss how one with no financial resources manages to provide services for a spouse with Alzheimer’s Disease.  I have life insurance and a plan for Sid to live in a facility near my son in California if I should die.

What I seem to be lacking is a plan for NOT dying. In other words, if I am incapacitated, who will take care of both of us while I recuperate? This scenario came up this morning when the orthopedic doctor read my shoulder MRI. Uh oh. He was not happy. Neither was I when I heard what he had to say. I have rotator cuff tears in both shoulders, but the right one is so severe that it is torn from the bone. That would explain why I am in so much pain. When he told me that I needed surgery, and that my arm would be immobile for 6 weeks, I told him that surgery was not an option; that he would have to prescribe therapy. He informed me that therapy at this point would be a waste of time, and since my insurance only allows a certain amount, he wants it used for post surgery. Well, if there is no surgery, there can be no POST surgery, correct?

In any case, I went home with a lot to ponder. This is a serious problem for all spousal caregivers. In most cases, we are it. We are the only ones who care for our spouses 24/7, and unless we have funds to hire in home help, we do everything ourselves. So what do we do if WE need to be cared for, which automatically means we also need someone to care for our spouses at the same time?

I have a friend with an AD husband. She needs knee surgery, and she has three grown children, each living in different parts of the United States, and one in Canada. She has set it up so that they will “piggy back” one another. One will come for one week, and as that one leaves, the next one will come, and then the next. That covers 3 weeks, and after that, she should be up and around much better.

This is the type of planning we need to do with family and friends IN ADVANCE of any emergency that may arise. I, of course, did no such thing. I kept insisting, and am still doing so, that I could get by without shoulder surgery. After all, therapy did wonders for my knee, and I was able to dodge that surgery bullet. Why not the same for my shoulder? The “why not” was explained by the doctor, who said that this situation is so serious that if I let it go, it will be unrepairable.  

I am still deciding if I will have the surgery, but if I decide to go ahead with it, I will be talking to my relatives now, which is “later rather than sooner” to see who can come when and for how long, to play nursemaid to me and caregiver to Sid. When my caregivers leave, grocery shopping and doctor apts. will be no problem, because I DID plan ahead by living here. There is a bus and driver available for that.

Please let this be a lesson to all of you spousal caregivers. Plan for your own emergencies BEFORE it is necessary.

©Copyright 2011 Joan Gershman 
The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
2010 All Rights Reserved
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