JOAN’S BLOG – MON/TUE., MAY 14/15, 2012 – BURNOUT!

When browsing through a luxury store, there is a saying – “If you have to ask the price, you can’t afford it.” Simple and true.

Applying that same idea to caregivers, my take would be – “If you are asking if you are burned out and need a break, you do.”

For weeks, I have been exhausted and cranky. Everywhere I turn, either my father or my husband want or need something from me; need to be driven somewhere by me; have medical equipment that needs repairing, need supplies, need, need, need. If my husband is not complaining about being asked to get up out of his chair, he is whining about something else. If I am not ordering or picking up his medications, I am dispensing them. If I am not waiting on him, I am listening to him whine. I realize he is now so physically debilitated by Diabetic Neuropathy causing loss of sensation in his feet, and Alzheimer’s Disease not sending the “move” signals to his muscles, that he requires someone to wait on him. Unfortunately, there are no shift changes here – I work all three 8-hour shifts. It is wearing me to a frazzle and making me short tempered.

As the physical demands of this job increase, I find myself pushing the emotional distress of losing my life long partner to the back of my mind. That part of Alzheimer’s Disease has always been the most difficult for me, but for now, I am so tired, that I have not had time to dwell upon it.

And then, Monday morning, the Cavalry arrived. My sister and brother-in-law are here from Chicago with orders for me to sit and not get up. All I am allowed to do is give them lists of what needs doing. Shopping, errands, laundry, take-out food, wheelchair “schlepping”, Daddy duty, and riding in the passenger seat. While Sid was at his Alzheimer Dominoes game, the three of us were eating lunch in a restaurant, and I felt such a release of stress, that I thought I was going to fall off of my chair.

They picked up a prescription my father needed, brought it to him, and picked up the pizza for our supper. My sister would not let me get up from the table to put ice in the glasses or get the plates. She made me sit. She took out the trash. I sat. I had forgotten what it felt like to have someone else do something, anything.

I am in such desperate need of respite that for the week they are here, I am going to let them do for me whatever they are determined to do.

On Tuesday, they are piling Sid and his wheelchair into the car and driving us all to the Juno Beach Turtle Sanctuary for a fun day out. They will take turns pushing him, while I get to spend the day acting like a regular tourist without anyone to care for.

Before they leave, I will call my case manager and social worker to find out what funding is available for in-home help and respite, because I realize I cannot continue like this or I will end up in the hospital.

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