JOAN’S BLOG – MON/TUE., SEPTEMBER 26/27, 2011 – BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR

Four years ago, I was miffed that my son thought I was over reacting to his father’s cognitive problems. Although he only saw him once a year, he said that I was being a drama queen, and there was nothing wrong with his father. Then came our October 2007 trip to San Francisco to visit said son. During that visit, he admitted that there was definitely a problem, and it did not lie with me. I wrote a blog about being saddened rather than elated at my vindication. Why was I sad that my son finally saw what I saw? Not that I ever considered myself in denial, but my son’s validation wiped out any chance that perhaps I was exaggerating; that perhaps Sid did not have Alzheimer’s Disease as diagnosed by the top memory disorder specialist in Southern Florida.

For at least the last two years, I have been complaining that the Mini Mental Exam administered to my husband at his twice yearly neurology appointment does nothing to demonstrate the cognitive declines that are so obvious at home. I have railed against that test constantly. Today, I got my wish, and I am as saddened as I was when my son recognized his father’s Alzheimer’s Disease. Sid has consistently scored 28 or 29 out of 30 on the Mini Mental Exam, and I have never been able to figure out how he has done so well, considering his poor memory and functioning at home. Today he scored a 21. The six month drop was so dramatic, according to the doctor, that he suspected a possible stroke, and has ordered an EEG and MRI.

As much respect as I have for our neurologist, I do not believe there was a stroke or even a dramatic decline. He has been declining all along. For whatever reason, and I certainly don’t have one, I believe that the Mini Mental Exam finally caught up with Sid’s actual functioning.

So I got what I asked for – an accurate representation of my husband’s cognitive decline. A validation of what I see every day. A validation of my recent observations that he is sliding quickly. Am I happy that a little test finally proved me correct? Not one single bit. I am sick at heart, for I know the future. When it is Alzheimer’s Disease, a spouse like myself, who has researched, read, and learned, holds a crystal ball. It is the one crystal ball on earth that is not a fake instrument of a skilled carnival con artist. It is the one crystal ball on earth that does see the future clearly, a future that is approaching quickly. I see a lifetime of memories wiped out; a blank stare in eyes that were once full of love; an infant lying where once a man stood. A caregiver where once there was a wife.

Be careful what you ask for.

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