JOAN’S BLOG – TUES/WED, MAY 25/26, 2010 – BACKSTAGE WITH AN ALZHEIMER SPOUSE

Generally, when you go to the theater to see a live play, you immerse yourself into the story, dancing, singing, or whatever is involved. I am sure you give little thought to what goes on behind the scenes to make the play run smoothly so you can enjoy the show. A huge amount of organizing, planning, rehearsing, and chaos has gone on for months prior to show time, and it is still going on backstage  as you are enjoying the play.

I liken my life with my AD husband to a live play. My husband’s life is calm, routine, organized, and well planned. It runs this way because behind the scenes, I am the prop manager, director, producer, stage hand, and costume manager. I make sure that the props (anything he needs from towels to snacks) are on hand when they are needed. As stage hand, I make sure that those needed items are in the same place all of the time, so he will not be confused. As the director, I make sure that he dresses, showers, eats, monitors his glucose level, and gets to his appointments on time. As costume manager, I make sure that he wears the appropriate clothes for the appropriate occasion. And as producer, I oversee all of it, making sure that his life runs smoothly.

As the audience of a play does not see nor care what goes on backstage, my husband is not aware of the work that goes on behind the scenes of his life to make it run so well. However, when something is amiss – he cannot find a towel, or a snack is not in its usual place, confusion reigns and the producer hears about it – loudly.

The producer (me) is becoming a bit resentful. So much work goes into making his life run smoothly that I think my efforts should be appreciated. He has Alzheimer’s Disease – he is not capable of understanding or caring how his needs are met, just that they are met. I know that. But it is difficult to be the Energizer Bunny on Speed while the person for whom I am caring is physically and mentally running at a snail’s pace, and is oblivious to all of my backstage work.

In the interest of fairness, I will say that he has told me that he has been trying very hard to hold his temper when things do not go as expected. I am thankful for that, because if I had to put up with tantrums every single time something was amiss in his world, I would have to resign from this producing job.

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The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
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