JOAN’S BLOG – JANUARY 31 - FEBRUARY 2, 2011 – ARE OUR LIVES AWFUL?

Recently, one of our members, “SusanB”, wrote the most inspiring, uplifting, positive message, that I feel applies to every Alzheimer Spouse reading this. With her permission, I am using it as the basis for this blog. A friend told Susan – “What an awful life you have.” She was, of course, referring to her life as a spousal caregiver for her husband with Alzheimer’s Disease. We all know how difficult and challenging this life is, but here is Susan’s response:

“My life has not been awful! I married my soulmate 31 years ago and we had a wonderful life which included 2 amazing kids, fun and exciting experiences and good relationships with family and friends.

Now. with the alz monster in the picture, my relationship with my DH is slipping away. It has made my life very, very sad and, although I sometimes feel my life is
awful, I don't really believe that to be true. I have learned who my true friends are and what that really means to me. I have had the privilege of meeting new
people I take the liberty of calling my friends who face each day with courage and strength that awes me on a regular basis. (I have found you guys on this
site who keep me going every day with your caring, love and humor!).

Awful, not today. Different, yes. Difficult, yes. Sad, often.
I had a plan, a script for my life with my husband.

Somebody set it on fire and it is lost. I will get through this 'act' and hopefully have time to figure out a new script for life in the future.”

Although we have each led different lives, we share the commonality of traveling the Alzheimer journey with our spouses. We get through it by supporting, advising, and educating each other. We get through it by virtual hugs and hand holding. I also believe that adopting Susan’s message will help us get through in a more meaningful manner than any advice I have read. Concentrate on the “whole” of your life.

Life, as Susan indicated, is similar to a play made up of many “acts.”  Each act is different, but what they all have in common is that they teach us lessons to take to the next act, and they always END. Our lives are made up of great times; fun times; sad times; challenging times, but when the acts end, the good will most likely outweigh the bad.

I had 35 (out of 40) fabulous years with my husband, my friend, lover, and partner. I consider myself lucky to have had them. I wanted more. I didn’t get them. Alzheimer’s Disease intervened. I am dealing with it the best I can. I enjoy the good times we still are able to share, and I cry over the bad times. I appreciate the knowledge and friendships I have made because of my involvement with Alzheimer’s Disease. Sure, I would have preferred to acquire knowledge of another sort and friends from other avenues, but this is the hand I was dealt, and I am playing it to the end.  

And that is the point – it will end. This is a PART of our lives. We may not like the fact that the next part of our lives will be without our spouses, but there is nothing we can do about it except, as Susan says, “figure out a new script for life in the future.”

Our lives are sad, emotionally and sometimes physically difficult, but I agree with Susan – not necessarily “awful”. Look at the whole of your lives and appreciate the good. Depend upon your Alzheimer friends who share your struggles, and your old friends who give support, to carry you through to the next act.

Please post comments under the existing message board topic: Your Life is Awful

NOTE: I am qualifying this blog in the instance of physical and verbal abuse from your spouse – Although caused by the disease, it can make the spousal caregiver’s life a living Hell. If you are experiencing this, it is my opinion that you should call your spouses’ doctor, and get them on the proper medication ASAP.

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