JOAN’S BLOG – JANUARY 8, 2014 – THE ALZHEIMER STRESS DIET

After a year of undeniable stress and pain for most of us Alzheimer Spouses, I would like the first blog of the New Year to infuse a bit of humor into our lives. The incidents of which I write in this blog are true, and as everything in my life since I became an Alzheimer Spouse, quite sad. However, I need to look at the situation in a humorous light, and I hope you will join me in a little chuckle.

I have been fighting with my weight since I was 3 years old. Except for 7 of my 65 years, weight has won. During the 7 years that I was a size 4/5, the feat was accomplished by starving to death. I drank a protein drink for breakfast, had a hard boiled egg for lunch, some vegetables and protein for supper, and a gaping hole of pain in my stomach the rest of the time. Oh, and for 4 of those years, I lived on the 4th floor ( no elevator) of a dormitory that was at the bottom of a hill. I walked and walked and walked (up hill) everywhere on campus, and climbed stairs in every building.

After I got married, the weight crept back on year after year after year. If I was stressed, I ate. If I was happy, I ate. If I was sick, I ate. If I was healthy, I ate. By the time Alzheimer’s Disease entered my life, I had eaten myself into obesity. My history would indicate that the stress of being an Alzheimer Spouse caregiver should have sent me head first into a vat of Hagen Daz ice cream. But somehow, Alzheimer Stress was different. It had the opposite effect on me. For those of you who have never experienced weight issues ( I know there are SOME of you in this world), I do not imagine you will be able to relate to this blog, but for the rest of us………………..Welcome to THE ALZHEIMER STRESS DIET.

January 2013 – January 2014 - REASONS FOR THE MASSIVE STRESS:

• My husband’s physical and mental disabilities finally took their toll on me, and I made the decision that he had to go to a long term care facility. Years of being his poop patroller, waitress, nurse, financial advisor, psychologist, wheelchair lifter and pusher, dresser, bather, and brain, pushed me to edge physically and emotionally. I knew it was time for placement.
• Medicaid and Finances – Medicaid refused to approve nursing home care for my husband. They insisted that he was appropriate for Assisted Living, regardless of a letter from the doctor that deemed nursing home care necessary, due to his multiple physical problems, including inability to walk more than a few steps. My dealings with Medicaid for the next 7 months consisted of them telling me that they did not pay for Assisted Living, and since I could not afford it – too bad. For 7 months, I had Medicaid case managers, supervisors, nursing home administrators, and assisted living administrators continually tell me that if I could not afford to pay for a place for me to live and a facility for my husband, I would have to make the difficult choice of choosing which one of us had a place to live. ???????????????  They told me that my standard of living was too high, which apparently meant that “homelessness” was now a standard of living choice for me.
• I was devastated at the thought of never living with or sleeping next to my husband again IF I could ever get him approved for nursing home care. I was heartbroken and unable to accept the fact that our life together would be over once he moved to long term care.
• I was physically at the end of my rope with a back that was so disabled I was in constant pain.

This was an accumulation of the type of stress I have never known. And then the unthinkable happened. I woke up one morning unable to eat. What? Me? Unable to eat? How was that possible? I was a stress eater. The more stressed I was, the more I ate. Ice cream, brownies, cookies, candy, anything chocolate. All of it. All of the time. Non stop. Given the stress/eat scenario, I should have been knee deep in cookie dough, not unable to swallow anything. But that is what happened. Even after my 7 month fight finally resulted in Sid being approved for nursing home care, and the Spousal Diversion program allowed me to remain in my home, my heartache from trying to adjust to life apart from him has kept my appetite at bay.

My stomach is constantly in knots. Food has no appeal to me. I eat because I have to, and I try to eat protein to keep my strength up, but except for the supper that my facility provides me, my day consists of a protein shake for breakfast, which I force down; a protein fiber bar for lunch, which often fills me up so much, it makes me sick; and sometimes an apple and peanut butter for a night snack if I feel like eating it.

For 60 years, well meaning friends and relatives have tried to “encourage” me to get help for my eating problem and lose weight for my health. In a hilarious turn of events, I now have those same friends and relatives calling to check on me to see if I am eating.

Alzheimer’s Disease is no joke. Being an Alzheimer Spouse is no joke. Stress from both of them is no joke. An eating disorder is no joke. However, somehow, putting them all together this year has resulted in at least one positive on my side – 50+ pounds gone and still going. 

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