JOAN’S BLOG – MON/TUE, MARCH 21/22, 2011 – AFTER RESPITE DEPRESSION

The subject of today’s blog is something I have not seen discussed on our boards, which led me to wonder if I am a whiny brat or others who do share my feelings are quieter than me – the subject of after respite depression.

As those of you who follow my blogs are aware, my sister visited me for 10 days and took over most of my duties. Although the physical respite she gave me from running errands, handling my father’s needs, doing laundry, and driving everywhere, was glorious, it was the escape into the non Alzheimer “normal” world that felt so freeing.

We did not do anything extraordinary. We went out to lunch a few times. We swam in the pool. We talked about everything sisters talk about. Best of all, living in my house for 10 days, she saw Sid through my eyes and validated everything I have said about his functioning.

Then she went home, and I went into a deep depression.  Not just because I missed my sister. That was part of it, but mostly because I had been given a taste of the Non Alzheimer World, and like a prisoner being led back to her cell, glancing over her shoulder longingly as her lifeline was retracted, I wanted to turn and run towards the lifeline. I wanted to stay in the Non Alzheimer World where someone was not demanding, calling, and picking at me every minute; where I didn’t have to do everything from medical, insurance, financial worrying, groceries, chauffeuring, directing, managing, making decisions, trash patrol – EVERYTHING – by myself. I wanted to stay in the Non Alzheimer World where conversations revolved around topics other than stages, functioning, caregiving, hospice, awareness raising, fundraising, and death.

Arlene left on Wednesday morning, and for the next 4 days, I could not get myself out of bed to do anything. Oh, of course I did get out of bed to tend to Sid and my father’s needs, but that was all I did, and I did it with resentment and a heavy heart. I was snapping at everyone. Except for going to the ALF to bring my father supplies and listen to his complaining, I did not go out of the house until Saturday, when I floated around in the pool all afternoon. As I am sure you are aware, I did no work – I wrote exactly two blogs for the entire week, including the weekend. It was impossible for me to get myself going. I had seen the world outside of my Alzheimer Caregiving World; I lived in it for 10 days, and I wanted it back.

Thankfully, I have managed to snap out of my depression and am back to doing what needs to be done. But it has made me wonder about those of you who escaped the Alzheimer World on the Caregiver Cruise; those of you who get monthly respite away from your duties; those of you who manage to leave your spouses at a respite facility for a week or two, so you can take a vacation or visit relatives. Has anyone experienced “After Respite Depression” or is it just me?

MESSAGE BOARD TOPIC: Joan’s Blog – After Respite Depression

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