JOAN’S BLOG – MONDAY, AUGUST 23, 2010 – THE ADVANTAGES OF LIVING IN A SPECIAL COMMUNITY

In a few weeks, it will be one year since I moved to the Independent Living Villa neighborhood that is attached to an Assisted Living Facility. For those new members who are not familiar with my move, please refer to these blogs (#411, #420, #424,) You know that I did it “sooner rather than later” because I knew I would continue to need more and more help. Last year, I had NO IDEA that I would also be moving my father down here to live in the ALF. Although I am 20-25 years younger than anyone who lives either in the villas or the ALF, it was the best move I ever could have made. Let me relay an incident that happened on the Friday from Hell to illustrate how important this move was for me, and hope it will convince those of you who are considering it, to give it serious thought.

As I mentioned in Friday’s blog (see below), my AD husband was going to stay home, broken foot elevated as it has been for 9 weeks, while I took my father to my lawyer to sign some papers, and then out to lunch. Sid was all set up in the den with his drink, tv remote, walker for the bathroom, and telephone. I planned to be gone for about 3 hours. If he needed help, the ALF would send someone over to see to it, but I often leave him for that amount of time with no problem.

I called the ALF, told them to have my father ready, cleaned, dressed, and waiting in the lobby at 11 AM. I drove up, and there he was . I wheeled him to the car; helped him get up; held onto him while he pivoted and schooched himself into the car. Drove 1 ½ miles to the lawyer’s office, helped him out of the car, into the wheelchair, and into the lawyer’s office. We were there for about 30-40 minutes, while she explained all the paperwork and got the needed signatures. I wheeled him out to the car, opened the door, helped him up, and that was the end of that! His feet would not work. He could not pivot. He could not stay up. Nothing. We tried for 20 minutes in 95 degree heat, and nothing.

I wheeled him back into the air conditioned building, and thought, “Well, now what?”  Oh, but that is when I realized we lived at The Palms for a reason. I called the front desk receptionist, who knows me extremely well by now, and said, “HELP!!!!! We’re stuck.” I explained the situation, asked her to send the driver and their bus with the wheelchair lift to rescue us. The driver called me, (who I also have come to know very well this past year), and said he would be there as soon as he finished the maintenance he was working on. I then called Sid to tell him what was going on, so he would not worry that we were so late. He was fine – sitting in the den watching TV. 30 minutes later, the driver and the bus were in the parking lot. He lowered the lift, wheeled my father on, and up he went into the bus. I told the driver that I would meet him back at the Palms, after I picked up McDonald’s for my father. He said to me, “No. You need a break. Go home. I’ll take him to McDonald’s and bring him back.” I felt as if the world had been lifted off of my shoulders. I called Sid again to tell him I was on my way home. After coming home and checking on him, I went to the ALF, and there was my father, up in his room, happily eating his hamburger and French fries.

Since this incident convinced me that I was NEVER driving my father ANYWHERE ever again without help, I went to the front desk, and scheduled the bus to take us to his doctor’s appointment this week. The doctor is literally around the corner, but I am not taking any chances. If Sid is incapacitated much longer, I am going to schedule the bus for his doctor’s appointments also, because my shoulders and back are being destroyed by lifting his lightweight wheelchair in and out of the back of the car.

So for those of you considering moving to a community like mine, let me tell you the help I have received in just the last 3 months:

PT, OT, and Speech is on the premises – actually across the street. The PT came to my house, wheeled Sid across the street and back home for all of his sessions.

Either the PT or OT, whichever one happened to be working with my father, has wheeled him here to visit, so I did not have to go get him.

I have had a light bulb go out, a cabinet door come off of a hinge, and the air conditioning break down.  One phone call, and within a day, a maintenance man has come in, done what needed to be done, while Sid and I watched.

When Sid needed a home health nurse for whatever medical reason, I called the ALF, and they arranged everything. The nurse called, told me when she was coming, and showed up.

Every Friday morning, the OT runs a water aerobics class for any resident who wishes to participate. The pool is 30 footsteps from my front door.

The most important part is that the ALF has a dementia unit, so when the times comes for Sid to need it…………or should I say when the times comes for ME to need it FOR him, it will be there.

The administration is always asking me what they can do to help me, since they know I am caring for two now.

I suppose if one has the finances to afford to call in maintenance, medical, and transportation help and pay for it whenever they need it, being on your own in a home with no mortgage may make sense, but for us, who had a high upside down mortgage, and no finances, this was the best decision I have made in years (#449).  

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com

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