JOAN’S BLOG – DECEMBER 1, 2008 – THE ALZHEIMER SPOUSE CONNECTION

Although I knew it from the beginning, it still astonishes me how strong the bond of connection is among spouses of Alzheimer patients. I write about it; you talk about it on the message boards; we feel it; we understand each other. But never did I feel that connection more than during this Thanksgiving Holiday, when I spent time with a woman who is 15 years older than me, a woman I have known casually for 30 years. We have seen each other at an occasional wedding or graduation here and there over the years, and exchange pleasantries. Her husband died of Alzheimer’s Disease 10 years ago. We have never spoken of it. This week we did. She does not have a computer, but is fully aware of Sid’s AD and what I do with this website.

At the time of her husband’s illness, she had no support group, no support from other spouses, no understanding of what she was going through emotionally by friends and family members. She endured everything I write about in my blogs and we discuss on the message boards – loneliness, pain of losing the spouse we knew, abandonment by friends, denial by family, disapproval by everyone of her actions and coping abilities. She discussed it all with me, and I do believe that for the first time since she became aware of her husband’s illness, a weight was lifted from her shoulders. I could see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice. She finally connected with someone who truly understood. I was honored and pleased that she felt comfortable enough to openly discuss these very private issues with me.

As I understood her, she understood me. She admonished me to take care of myself physically and emotionally. I am trying. It is difficult to find the time in the day and the energy in my body to do either one, but I am trying.

We spouses of Alzheimer patients share a bond, a connection that crosses all ages, personality types, geography, ethnic groups, life experiences, and philosophies. We need to continue to reach out to one another with support and understanding that only we can comprehend.

©Copyright 2008 Joan Gershman

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