JOAN’S BLOG – MON/TUE, AUGUST 22/23, 2011- ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE HAS KNOCKED THE FIGHT OUT OF ME

It always seemed odd to me that I was so shocked when another of my husband’s cognitive abilities declined. You would think after 5, 6, 8, who knows how many at years at this point, that I would expect them and take them in stride, or at least not be surprised and hurt. But I have written many blogs describing the astonishment and pain I have felt when another decline occurs.

Now that I am seeing three more declines, I not only have taken them in stride, but am using them as a learning tool for myself. I immediately change my expectations of his ability, and adjust how I handle the situation. That is a major improvement over how I used to handle his declines, which included astonishment, anger, and a futile attempt to “teach”, “train”, and/or “help” him regain the lost ability. I have learned it is a waste of time, energy, and stress to try and reverse what is clearly lost.

The three issues to which I am referring are loss of object names, forgetting the names of close friends, and being unable to process a very short, concise, simple list I leave him when I go out.

He is starting to describe the item to which he is referring, because he cannot recall its name. This does not happen all of the time, but has occurred enough times for me to realize it is another progression down the hill of Alzheimer’s Disease. Instead of trying various language strategies to help him recall the name, as I would have done a few years ago, I simply supply the name for him.

He is also forgetting the names of close friends. He knows who they are, but their names are lost in his Alzheimer Diseased brain. As with the object naming, I no longer attempt the many strategies I employed when I was a working therapist. I just give him the name.

He now has difficulty processing all of the information on the note I leave him when I have to go out. Instead of getting angry, and accusing him of not paying attention (Sorry, my halo often slips), I now TYPE the note, triple spaced, in large bold font. The note consists of short, concise sentences – no more than three – telling him where I am, when I will return, and where his lunch is located in the refrigerator.

I always say that when it comes to Alzheimer’s Disease, I am a very slow learner. I learned so slowly because I was fighting to hold onto every piece of what used to be my husband. However, Alzheimer’s Disease itself is my greatest teacher. It has taught me that it will always win, and unless I give in and take it in stride, the anger and stress will kill me.

We have many new members who are fighting with every breath, muscle, fiber, and brain cell in their body, Alzheimer’s Disease and the changes it is wreaking on their spouses As I read their comments on the message boards, I see myself as I was for at least 5 years. The fight did nothing but tear my heart to shreds, raise my blood pressure, stress every part of my body, and leave me bloody, battered, and defeated.

Now that I am taking his declines in stride and adjusting my reactions to them, I am less stressed, but I am wondering if Alzheimer’s Disease has now destroyed my compassion as well as my marriage, my future, and my husband. It does not seem normal to take “in stride” what used to hurt so much emotionally. Maybe Alzheimer’s Disease has just worn me out.

MESSAGE BOARDS: Joan's Blog - AD has knocked the fight out of me.

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