JOAN’S MONDAY BLOG – JUNE 22, 2009 – OUR 39TH ANNIVERSARY

Around the first year or two I was married, my cousins had a 40th anniversary party for my aunt and uncle. I was 21 years old. Maybe 22 at the time of the party. My aunt and uncle looked old, crotchety, and wrinkled  to young, naïve me. I thought – “They have been married FOREVER, and don’t even like each other.” I never remembered them relating to one another in any manner but fighting and arguing. I thought ahead to what Sid and I would be like in 39 or 40 years, and in my mind, I pictured a relatively young looking, thin, sexy couple, still staring adoringly into each other’s eyes, with three handsome, accomplished, brilliant children by our side. I saw us as healthy, wealthy, and happy. I SAID I was young and naïve, didn’t I?

Yesterday we celebrated our 39th wedding anniversary. I am 60. He is 66. In my mirror, we do not look old or wrinkled (Fat smoothes out wrinkles!). It was a day of reflection and love. In reflecting on our years together, we realize that life does not always work out the way we plan it. We had one child, not three, but it was our choice, and we adore him. We have survived financial downs, health crises, serious teenage trouble, dysfunctional relatives, job losses, family deaths. But on the flip side, we have enjoyed financial success at one time or another, romping dogs, a houseful of our son’s friends, career triumphs, good friends, great travel adventures, and our own passionate love affair with each other.

I never expected for us to die healthy (an oxymoron?). I knew that as we aged, heart attacks, diabetes, cancer, and a host of other diseases could intrude on our lives. I was even aware of Alzheimer’s Disease, but I never expected that a disease could rip through our lives like a tornado, leaving such relationship devastation in its wake. That could not happen to ‘US’. As my blogs tell the story, I was totally blindsided by this wreckage of a disease, and left in emotional ruins from the changes it brought to my husband’s personality, thinking, and ability to relate to me.

But even with this disease imposing its will on our lives, we have adjusted to some degree. Alzheimer’s Disease has broken our hearts, torn apart our lives, destroyed our finances, altered our future forever, but the medications have calmed Sid’s rages to the point that we are once again able to feel the deep love, protectiveness, support, and caring we have had for one another since the first date when lightening struck, and we knew that “love at first sight” was not a myth.

I am no longer young and naïve. I know how brutal life can be. My husband’s disease is only going to get worse. I know that. But I also know that we have to enjoy whatever good time we have together, no matter how intermittently it occurs. This weekend was good. We were reminded why we have been together for 39 years. We both appreciated that.

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©Copyright 2009 Joan Gershman

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