Long before Alzheimer’s Disease entered our lives, all of us met our spouses in different ways - we fell in love, raised a family, and traveled through life together as best friends, lovers, and each other’s support system.

In this section, I have given our readers a chance to share with us their unique love story. Let us celebrate the love we have; treasure it; and be thankful for it.

From Betsy:

I am currently married to the love of my life.  Dave and I first met when my family moved to SD when I was age 10, and I was enrolled in the local parochial school.  Dave and I immediately liked each other.  We were an ‘item’ in 7th & 8th grade.  While not allowed to date individually, we would arrange to go to the movies with a friend and ‘just happen’ to meet at the theater and ‘accidentally’ end up sitting by each other.  After 8th grade we went to the local public high school and each went our separate ways.    We went to colleges on opposite ends of SD, met other people, and eventually got married to someone.
Dave lived most of his adult life on the west coast in central Oregon and the San Francisco Bay area.    I lived briefly in Michigan, and then lived in western SD.   In 1998 our high school started a web site, with a section where former students could post messages.  My mother who still lived in that town told me about the new site.  Dave’s sister who still lived in the area told him about the site.
In 1998 Dave was divorced, earning an MBA, and thinking about relocating back to SD.  I was separated and in the process of getting a divorce while earning an MBA at a university in eastern SD.  One late night for a study break I posted a message on the high school web site and included by email address.  This is EXTREMELY unusual for me.  I think it was fate.  Shortly thereafter, Dave visited our high school site, saw my message and sent me an email saying:  Hi!  Remember me?  When I got Dave’s email, I smiled.  Did I ever remember Dave…with fond feelings from long ago.
We began emailing each other, rapidly progressed to online chat and phone calls.  We found we were still attracted to each other, had similar interests, and our relationship from so long ago resumed.  We made arrangements to meet in person and we found out that we were as good (or better) together in person as online.  Dave was between positions, so made plans to move back to SD.  Four months after reconnecting online, Dave and I were living in the same town!  We planned a wedding for March 6, 1999.
When my divorce was final in December, we decided to get married right away…January 6, 1999.  But since so many family members were coming to help us celebrate, we continued plans for the March 6 wedding.  We still wish each other Happy Month Anniversary, on the sixth of each month…except now I’m the one who remembers.   
Our life together has been great.  When issues arose, for example, the inevitable stepfamily concerns, Dave and I worked together.  We always kept open communication.  Dave has been the one ‘sane person’ I have had to count on while experiencing a custody battle and workplace difficulties.  We have always valued each other and our relationship.  That is why, when Dave was diagnosed in early 2008 with Alzheimer’s we had no regrets.
We continue as we have always.  We are a team and each does what we are most capable of handling.  Of course the division of tasks has changed dramatically over the past year as Dave’s condition has progressed.  We value each other.  Dave thanks me every night before bed for ‘all I do for him.’  And I thank Dave ‘for loving me.’

From Bob:

"Maryland is not known for Tornados, so you know that when we get one, something miraculous is bound to happen.  One came through the Hilendale section of Baltimore County on June 17, 1973.  It overturned a car and then ripped through an apartment complex somehow tearing the roofs off of every other building.  I didn’t live anywhere near there, but had been at my step-mother’s house to help her with some chores.  On our way back home, my buddy and I had stopped at a restaurant in Hillendale.  We heard all the sirens and watched the fire trucks and police cars race by and a morbid curiosity drove us to walk back to check out all the excitement.  As we stood looking at the destruction, I noticed Mary with two of her friends directly behind us.  I kept looking back and tried to work up the courage to say something to her.  I couldn’t think of an ice breaker until I overheard one of them say, “Isn’t this some way to start our vacation?”  Now, how do three young women all start vacation the same day?  I turned around and asked Mary, “Do you teach?”  She replied, “Yes, do you?”  No, I didn’t, but the ice was broken and we began a discussion which resulted in learning her name and phone number.

As for Mary”s story, she wasn’t supposed to be there either.  Her plan had been to drive to other side of the county to buy a TV.  She started out in beautiful, bright sun, but before she even got to the beltway, it began to rain torrentially.  She turned around and by the time she got home, it was sunny.  She turned around and again, the skies darkened and opened up.  This happened three times and she actually looked heavenward and said, “Okay God.  I get the message.  You don’t me to go there today.” 

I took her to dinner the following Friday and on Saturday went with her when she bought the infamous TV.  (After all, she needed a man to carry the TV to and from her car!)  There was a crab house within walking distance of her apartment and if you know anything about eating steamed hard crabs, it is very leisurely and time consuming.  We would talk and talk for over two hours over a dozen crabs.  By August, I proposed and when she accepted, we discussed which school holiday we wanted to utilize for the wedding and honeymoon.  We didn’t want to complicate things by doing it over Christmas and I didn’t really want to wait until Easter or the following summer.  That left Thanksgiving, so our wedding day, November 17, was five months to the day from when we met!

This year is our thirty-fifth anniversary.  I can honestly say that I love her more (or at least differently) than I did on our wedding day.  She is now totally dependent upon me which I view as an honor.  We have been through good times and bad raising two boys, but we have always been through them together.  I regret that our “golden years” are not so golden, but we have had a chance to enjoy retirement before things got too bad.  When she retired in 2002, she was already exhibiting early memory difficulties.  We tried to take a trip every six months.  We have been to Hawaii, The Alaska Inside Passage, The Panama Canal, The Mexican Riviera, Amsterdam, and this past spring to Las Vegas and the Grand Canyon.  That last trip was pretty hard on both of us and is probably our last.

Like all of us, I know what the future will bring.  I just don’t know when.  I only hope that she remains as happy and compliant as she is now.  As long as we have that smile, I can do anything."

From Marsh:

It was the beginning of Sophomore year in High School.  Three friends and I decided to go to a square dance with dates.  I was having trouble finding a date.  Then my mother suggested that I ask "M..A.."  I was hesitant to do so, because she was by far the smartest kid in the class, but it was getting close to the time for the dance, so I asked her.  She knew I had already asked almost every other girl in the class, but, fortunately, accepted.  We had so much fun that I never seriously dated another girl.  Eight years later, when she had finished her Masters Degree and I was still in graduate school, we were married.  This coming June will be our 54th wedding anniversary.  (Side note:  The four guys of us formed a club in high school and still get together once a year, even though we are scattered from Maine to California)

M and I had a wonderful life, raising three great kids, enjoying family trips, and then taking major trips all over the world, including 2 with our oldest daughter and her husband.  Four years ago our oldest daughter said she was concerned about her mother's memory, so we had tests done and confirmed the diagnosis of Alzheimer's.  One hard part of this is that in high school she had photographic memory. 

Our days of travel are now over.  I lost her once when she turned the wrong way coming out of the Ladies Room at the Philadelphia Airport.  At the insistence of our daughter, we have moved into a Retirement home, so I don't have to do so much cooking, cleaning, etc.  But we are still able to have fun together  - watching TV or Netflix movies, taking walks, talking with others in the Retirement home or our chuch.  She is still the same sweet girl I married.  She tells me frequently that she loves me and needs me, so I don't mind being the caregiver 24/7.  She tries to help me around the house, but makes so many mistakes that it's easier for me to do it myself.

I know I still have a rough road ahead, but we have our memories and pictures of all our trips.  Although our kids and other family members live far away from us, they are willing to come and help out once in a while so I can get away (as with my friends from high school).
As I read the problems others are having, I am thankful that my situation isn't worse.

From Renee:

Larry and I have been married almost 22 years. We met at his sister's home when I was visiting with my mother..I was ending a very abusive marriage and we found each other in what I call a God thing...

I had 2 boys - 2 and 3, was pregnant with my third child about 4 months along. We began to see each other after months. We were married a year later..

He has been the father of my children ever since. Taught them about being honest, about commitment, about unconditional love, as our oldest son said one day "oh mom what will we do when superman doesn't know who we are especially you momma"? Well, I told him I know he will always know in his heart who I am even if he is unsure of my face...Larry is going to be 54 this year and he is slipping in ways most people would not understand....But, we take each day and thank God that he gave us all these years.....We are buying the thing we planned to buy for our 25th anniversary now, as I figure he may not enjoy his HDTV flat screen latter.....We take little rides in the truck, eat subway sandwiches watching the river, and we watch the programs on TV that he is sure he has never seen, and I smile and say wasn't that a good one...

OK I figure that I will never know someone again who has loved me as much or as deep again. I have decided that when he is gone I will then take some trips we planned to do but he cannot now. He will be with me, he will be with our grandchildren when they are born in the future. He will be apart of the stories of how he saved our family and showed us that we were worth loving.

From Bettyhere:

We were 10 or 11 in grammer school and at recess the other children teased me that, "Bernie loves you, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha." It meant nothing to me, his love was unrequited. I was more interested in hanging by my knees from the monkey bar or climbing to the top of a tree. Years later I would learn that little boys do that and I felt bad that I hadn't cared. We continued on thru middle school and high school, barely nodding to each other, I had my share of boyfriends--until he asked me to the senior prom. By the time he brought me home that night I knew I'd spend the rest of my life with him.

Very early on I felt 'something' was wrong, he seemed frightened at times, but there was nothing I knew to be frighted of and I knew he'd take a bullet for me and the children, he was brave, strong, decent, good, and handsome, but 'something' was there and eventually it was named Alzheimer's. Sometimes it played havoc with our marriage, I was too often angry and didn't know why--what had he done--how could I describe any of it? Well, you all know that, and yet we loved each other so much. I cared for him, mostly by myself, for 10 years and learned to love him even more--even tho he could drive me up the walls. I did not want him to leave me, but I was grateful when he was finally at peace, he deserved his peace and so did I. We'd been married 53 years by then.

Now he lives on in our children and grandchildren, but there are times when I miss his love and altho I never expect someone to love me that way, over a lifetime, ever again--I feel blessed and grateful that it all happened that way.

From Leighanne:

Our story really starts back years before we ever met. I was about 14 - not popular. I used to get so down and wonder why in the world guys just weren't in to me. I finally decided to pray about it. I didn't like obsessing about it. So I told God that I would not worry about boyfriends or the lack thereof, if He would tell me when I meet the one He has planned for me. Now fastforward about 7 years...

My family had just moved to Kentucky and had been visiting the area churches trying to find our church home. We visited First Baptist and they had 4 people get up and sing a song that these people had performed when they were in the youth group at the church. Robert was one of them. I took one look at him and it was as if someone sat down next to me on the pew and said Leighanne, that's the one. That's the one I've chosen for you. It kind of freaked me out. From that point on, I set out to find out who Robert was, how old he was, etc...

My family joined the church and we began going to Sunday School. When I went into the college and careers class, there was Robert. His sister and brother in-law taught the class and it didn't take them long to play match makers. After a couple of months, Robert got the nerve up to ask me out and the rest is history. We've been married for over 15 years. We have 2 great kids.

Sometimes, I wonder just "who" it was that spoke to me that day. I wonder how can this be what God has chosen for me. Now, I tend to think that it wasn't so much that Robert was chosen for me, but rather I was chosen for him. However it went, the good has far outweighed the bad. I'm a better person for having been married to Robert. I wouldn't go back and change anything.

From Dick S:

I think about her green eyes and how they would twinkle when I would surprise her with an unexpected gift. They are still green but now they seem devoid of any emotion.

I think about her joy of laughter and love of life, her warm personality and her close association with friends. The laughter has all but died and her social skills are few. She prefers the solitude of our home to outside activities.

I think about her love of travel. All those wonderful countries and interesting cities we traveled to. Broadway shows in New York, lunch at Scoma’s on the wharf in San Francisco. Her favorite was cruising and we have the platinum cards from two cruise lines to remind us. We will never cruise again.

I think of our two daughters who can never seem to find time in their busy schedules to spent quality time with their mother.

I think of the vows we took forty five years ago “for better of worst” and I know I will care for her and love her forever.

I think of all the lost opportunities and I wish I could hold her in my arms and drift away to never awaken again.

I think my heart is breaking tonight. 

FROM C:

M and I met through an early computer dating service in

Houston, Texas. Remember key punched datacards?

After several months M and I decided to marry.

WhoooHooo! Was that ever a good match? We still love

each other 41+ years later. Our son is happily married

and has three children. They visit us every week or two.

M was diagnosed with AD about five years ago. Her

doctor said the medication strategy would be to keep her

out of a nursing for as long as possible. That has worked

and she still lives at home with me, now her 24/7

caregiver as well as best friend and lover. In 2007 she

had three fainting spells due to irregular heartbeat and a

recent close call with pneumonia.

I frequently think about the lyrics of the Beatles' song

"Yesterday" and Simon and Garfunkel's "Homeward Bound."

From Betty:

John and I met long before we fell in love, so we were

friends for years. He's always been a special person, full

of life and fun. He has never met a stranger, and will talk

to anyone. We have now been together 20 years. I can't

imagine my life without him even with AD. He is still the

devoted husband who tells me everyday how much he

loves me and he wouldn't want to be without me. Even

though I was married before, I didn't know what deep

romantic love was until John. I'm glad we still have that

love and connection even though AD has robbed us of

the future we planned.

From Carewife:

I have known my husband since we were sixteen...We

lived 11 miles apart in separate small towns. We married

at 18 while he was in college. Upon his graduation, he

went into the Air Force and became a pilot and then a

missile officer.

During his 10 years in the service, we had 5 children and

moved every 18 months. After leaving the service, we

both became teachers until our retirement. We loved to

be together, had friends, but needed no one else to be

complete.

I am so blessed to have had a few years of traveling,

learning golf, and enjoying our retirement. I am desolate

without my sweetheart, he doesn't know me most of the

time now, has been in a nursing home for 4 years. We

have had 56 years in our marriage, and it was filled with

love and good memories. I do so miss my best friend.

From Emily:

I relate very much to the problem of missing one's best

friend. I have never been one to have many close friends

at one time, and after my high school/college years I

could count about 4 people as close enough that I still

keep in contact with them. (Luckily, my family is close.)

So, this is to say that I do not connect deeply, often or

easily. So finding and connecting so well with Jeff was a

rare and special thing. I was 21 and he was 35, and it was

never an issue. He just went into that maverick, single

stage post-college, and stayed there longer than most

people.

Having him as the person with whom I could talk, in

depth, about anything and with real enjoyment made for

a very privileged 20 years--a two decade window of

having someone to share life with that did not exist prior

to that, and which is unlikely to occur again.

We've got 3 excellent girls who are now 21, 19, and 17,

and a unique, creative, and stubborn 15 year old son. As

Jeff's affliction came on slowly and subtly, they have

never had to deal with suddenly finding themselves with

only one competent parent...they've kind of grown into it.

I'm working on re-becoming that single, self-sufficient

individual I was pre-Jeff...back in the days when I related

to Simon and Garfunkel's "I am a Rock." (Though it's my

distinct recollection that that girl really, really wanted the

kind of relationship I eventually found with Jeff. But she

managed, as I will manage now.)

Jeff is still doing pretty well. As only people who have

experienced this can understand, those less "publicly-

detectable" changes that occur in the early stages

change the nature of the relationship in fundamental

ways, but we can do stuff, he can enjoy stuff, he doesn't

need "care," per se, it's just that I'm in charge of

everything. I'm going to live with the illusion that we'll

just remain on this plateau until I'm forced to admit

otherwise.

From Joan:

We both knew on the first date that this was going to be forever. It was as if my heart always had a piece missing. When I found him, I found the piece that made my heart whole . 
We complemented each other – his strengths were my weaknesses, and my strengths were his weaknesses. His business was retail electronics – he could read and understand a technical manual ; he could take apart and put together any piece of electronic equipment; he could program the first VCR; he could read road  maps; follow driving directions; go someplace once and never need directions again; understand math, debits, credits , and do it all quickly. I could do none of those things, but I had talents he lacked. I could use words  and language  to pave the way for any occasion. He put together the TV; I wrote the letter complaining about the service. We were a team; we called our team, “US”. If we had an argument, we would quickly make up, telling each other, “I miss “US”.

AD changed everything. His processing is slow; his comprehension of spoken language is poor – he is so easily confused by what is said; he is no longer able to follow the directions for hooking up electronic equipment; he forgets what was said a minute ago. I have had to pick up the slack, trying to learn to do what used to come so easily to him. I am not always successful.

What AD has not changed is his love and concern for me. Not a day goes by that he does not take me in his arms and tell me how much he loves and appreciates me – how he hurts to see me have to bear the burden of so much.

No, he is not the person he was; we do not have the same relationship we had; but through AD education and our support system, we have worked to forge a new relationship. It may be different than the one that came before it, but what is not different is that we will love each other forever. That space in my heart will always be filled by him.

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